Take Responsibility

Take Responsibility

Food for thought for the week

 

How often do you do something to please someone else when you really don’t want to?

Are you looking for someone’s approval to feel OK about yourself?

Do you let another persons mood impact your happiness?

Is it really OK to listen to your heart and do what is best for you?

Can you trust if you do what is best for you, that the other person will still be OK?

Can you do the things that give you joy, happiness, and peace of mind?

Self Care – Self Love

Self Care – Self Love

Self Love is the foundation for good health.

Self love is the foundation for healthy relationships.

Self love is expressed as kindness to yourself.

Self love equals self respect.

When our hearts have been wounded, we forget our beauty. 

We forget to love ourself. 

We think we are unworthy of love.

Small acts of self love helps to heal the heart wounds.  

Daily acts of self love remind ourself that we are loveable and worthy.

Each day, grant yourself at least one act of self love.

Love grows.

Healing the Abuse Heart Wound Pt 2

Healing the Abuse Heart Wound Pt 2

The Energy / Emotions of the Heart Wound of Abuse

Each time I have set down to write this blog on healing the heart wound of abuse, I feel a sense of fear and trepidation. Today I realized that fear is the energy signature of the heart wound abuse. So, feeling that is perfectly normal as I write this article. I am connected with that heart wound and so can speak more clearly about it by being connected to it.

 

A reminder of the Heart Wound of Abuse

The heart wound of abuse is a violent Heart Wound. It is an attack on you or another. Whether it by physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically or spiritually. Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused. Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t OK. It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved. 

We often feel like life isn’t safe. We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come. We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser. If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met. Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression. 

 

Healing the Heart Wound of Abuse

Healing the heart wound of abuse means giving yourself the love and respect that you deserve. Being kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledging the hurt, sad, angry, shamed and frightened parts of who you are and offering those parts acceptance and compassion.

Seems simple. It may be simple, but can be challenging. Why? When we are abused as a child, physically, mentally or emotionally the scars are very deep and imprinted into our psyche.

 

We build protections around the wound.

Here are some possible protections:

  • You may not remember the event.
  • You may have a order from the abuser that you cannot disclose what happened.
  • You may feel shame about what happened; told that it was your fault.
  • You don’t want to feel the emotion of the event(s). It is just to scary.
  • You have created coping mechanisms that allow you to function and that feels safe.
  • You have build a protective armor around the wound so that you won’t be hurt again.
  • You may have exiled a part of yourself to feel safe. (ie your joy. playfulness, excitement, passion)

Some Tips to Heal the Abuse Heart Wound

Take it slowly.     

Trying to go too fast can re-traumatize you.

Start by simply acknowledging how you feel.

The heart wound of abuse, leaves a mark of fear in your psyche. You may feel frightened all the time. You might have panic attacks. You might feel chronic low grace anxiety. Acknowledge the anxiety and understand that is the result of the abuse.

You might try to change or control circumstances around you, but that will never make the fear go away. It is a way for the part of you who is afraid trying to feel safe. (If you are currently in an abusive situation, it is ok to leave the situation.)

You might feel anger. You might feel sadness and grief.

Watch and be mindful what triggers the fear or anger.

Notice what triggers fear in you. Do some self inquiry about the trigger. What does it trigger within you? Why? You might want to write in a journal to explore this.

Ask: Does the situation I am in justify the level of fear?

Is the fear or anger exaggerated in proportion to the current situation? Does the current situation warrant that level of fear? If not, that is a sign that a heart wound is involved.

Ask: What are my coping mechanisms to avoid feeling the fear?

What do you grab onto or push away to try to feel safe? Do you over eat to avoid feeling the fear/pain? Do you lose yourself in work to avoid feeling the pain? Do you use alcohol or drugs to avoid feeling the pain?

Do you try to control others to feel safe? Do you try to control yourself to feel safe? Do you judge and criticize yourself? Do you cling to a relationship that doesn’t make you happy? Do you avoid personal relationships? Do you keep attracting the same abusive personalities?

None of these things are bad or wrong. They are ways that you used to be safe in a dangerous situation. They are ways that you used to protect yourself.

Yet, acknowledge them and ask if they are still keeping your safe or are they holding you back from being free of the heart wound.

Ask: What belief systems were born out of the abuse?

Here are some examples: I am a loser. I am not safe. People aren’t safe. The world isn’t safe. All men are bad. Everyone is out to get me.

Exploring the shadow side is an important part of healing the heart wound of abuse.

Comfort yourself

Acknowledge the wounded parts of yourself and practice meeting them with acceptance, compassion and understanding. Be present with the pain of your abused parts and let them know that the pain can and will end.

Return to the 6 steps to heal a heart wound.

Take some time each day, week or month to set down with the 6 steps to heal a heart wound. Which ones resonate with you? Which ones terrify you? Are there ones that bring up tears? Anger?

You can journal about the steps and your reaction to them. Or do a self inquiry and journal around each step.

Reach out

Create healthy relationships. Spend time with people who you feel good around. And or someone who can give you the space to vent and release emotions safely.

Reach out to someone skilled in healing heart wounds. Acceptance, compassion and support are an important baseline skills for a practitioner.

Remember the three A’s

Sometimes we try really hard to heal our self. We try to change who we are into someone that we think we should be. We try to change our circumstances. We try to change others.

The three A’s of acceptance, awareness, and adjustment can bring about a deep healing. They are about accepting how we are right now. Out of that a deeper healing can occur. The parts of you who are wounded need your awareness, love and compassion in order to heal. To push them away, re-wounds them and keeps them locked in exile and they continue to vibrate in your subconscious sending a fear message to your nervous system.

Awareness – simply acknowledging what is right here, right now.

Acceptance – accepting what is right here, right now.

Adjustment – Out of acceptance comes choice. We can choose to feel. We can chose a different response to an event or person. We can chose new beliefs. And sometimes with acceptance, healing takes place spontaneously and a situation can resolve itself.

6 Steps to Heal a Heart Wound:

  1. Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
  2. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and the pain of the wound.
  3. Realize the coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
  4. Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
  5. Re-script the beliefs from life negative beliefs to life enhancing beliefs.
  6. Choose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.

Rejuvenate

If you have heart wounds, the Rejuvenate program is a great place to start. The rejuvenate program is designed to help in the healing of heart wounds. When I began practicing yoga, relaxation, breathwork and meditation, I became more aware of my heart wounds and had the tools to unwind the wounds and reclaim my heart. Click here to find out more or see below.

Private Heart Healing Sessions

It is almost impossible to heal your heart wound on your own. You have build in protective mechanisms that were created to keep yourself safe and survive the experience. Those protective mechanism will block your healing unless you work with someone with enough experience to successfully navigate the inner landscape.

If you are considering one on one support in healing heart wounds, click here to sign up for a complementary Heart Healing Session. Or scroll down for more information.

May you heal your heart,

❤️Bindu

Rejuvenate!

Discover a nurturing experience that supports you in:

  • Healing your heart wounds
  • Rediscover your authentic self
  • Nurture and love your body
  • Discover inner peace
  • Release pain and tension
  • De-escalate anxiety
  • Reduce depression
  • Improve sleep
  • Increasing self awareness
  • Build self care and self love

 Heart Wound Healing and Support

Complimentary Session

 Available via phone, skype, zoom or facetime

 Heart Healing Session

with Bindu

  • Feel accepted however you show up
  • Feel heard and understood
  • Share the burden of your pain
  • Experience a safe space for healing
  • Ask any questions that you have
  • Receive guidance in healing the heart
  • No pressure or hard sells
  • Experience unconditional love
  • Reclaim hope
  • Receive support

Healing the Abuse Heart Wound Pt 2

Healing the Abuse Heart Wound

The heart wound of abuse is a violent Heart Wound. It is an attack on you or another. Whether it by physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically or spiritually.

Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused. Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t OK. It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved. 

We often feel like life isn’t safe. We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come. We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser. If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met. Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression. 

The emotions mostly associated with the abuse heart wound are fear, anger and shame. Fear of when the next attack will come. Anger is the part of us that wants to fight back, but for most of us with this heart wound the attacker was bigger, stronger, in a position of authority or otherwise intimidating. Often the heart wound attack accompanies a threat verbally or non-verbally that if we tell anyone what is happening, then you or someone you care about will pay the consequences, which won’t be pretty, but just another attack. Sometimes we can’t share this with anyone else because of the shame that we feel about what happened. Or the belief that it is somehow our fault.

If the attacker was a close family member, especially a parent and/or siblings, it creates a distrust of people. And sometimes distrust of those who tell us the most that they love us. Sometimes the abuse is having to watch or hear the abuse of another, whether that be a parent, sibling, or pet. We feel powerless to stop the attacker. We feel ashamed that we can’t or won’t stand up to the attacker. The fear of the consequences overwhelms us into submission.

The threat of an attack is just as harmful as an outright attack. A man standing over you with his fists clenched and an angry look on his face is just as damaging to the psyche as the physical blow.

Abuse shatters a part of us. It shatters our sense of self, our sense of well-being, our sense of safety.

Consequences of the Heart Wound Abuse

The consequences of the heart wound abuse can go in two different directions. We can become submissive, mousy, invisible, compliant, passive.

The other end of the spectrum is becoming like the abuser, becoming an abuser yourself. You keep the pattern of abuse in your family alive for another generation.

Sometimes the victim of abuse turns the abuse inward and repeats the programming of the abuser toward them self by being self critical, cutting, drinking, drugs, compulsive eating, addictions, and other self harmful actions.

We might become perfectionist as a defense mechanism against abuse, if I could just do it right, it would be ok. Or we might demand perfection from others. We might become controlling because that is the only way we feel safe. We might let others stomp all over us because we think we deserve it or are afraid of others abusing us if we don’t comply.

We might isolate our self because only then we feel safe. Or become demanding that our needs be met. We might marry an abusive partner or have an abusive boss or co-worker. We could be magnets for abusers. We might have anger issues that burst out uncontrollably.

As a victim of abuse your health will suffer. We could suffer from anxiety and depression. Without healing the heart would of attack, the fearful cellular memories will continuously broadcast a fear message to your nervous system. Your body will live in fight or flight all or most of the time. You will have difficulty relaxing and resting. You may be driven to be a workaholic. You may be afraid of being vulnerable and have a protective wall around you.

You will have lost your childlike wonder and curiosity. Your gifts will often be suppressed. Happiness is nearly impossible. You may have an autoimmune illness or other health problems.

 

Healing the Heart Wound of Abuse

Healing the heart wound of abuse means giving yourself the love and respect that you deserve. Being kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledging the hurt, sad, angry, shamed and frightened parts of who you are and offering those parts acceptance and compassion.

Next week will be part 2 of Healing the Heart Wound of Abuse. For this week, reflect on the following. Notice what resonates with you.

I’ll also share my experience with and healing of my heart wounds of abuse another time.

6 Steps to Heal a Heart Wound:

  1. Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
  2. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and the pain of the wound.
  3. Realize the coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
  4. Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
  5. Re-script the beliefs from life negative beliefs to life enhancing beliefs.
  6. Choose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.

Introspection for the week:

  1. Are you a survivor of the heart wound of abuse?
  2. How has that impacted you and your life?
  3. What in the above description of this heart wound resonates with you? What doesn’t?
  4. How have your compensated in order to survive with the unhealed abuse heart wound?
  5. What healing of the abuse wound have you already accomplished?
  6. What still needs to be healed?

Rejuvenate

If you have heart wounds, the Rejuvenate program is a great place to start. The rejuvenate program is designed to help in the healing of heart wounds. When I began practicing yoga, relaxation, breathwork and meditation, I became more aware of my heart wounds and had the tools to unwind the wounds and reclaim my heart. Click here to find out more or see below.

Private Heart Healing Sessions

It is almost impossible to heal your heart wound on your own. You have build in protective mechanisms that were created to keep yourself safe and survive the experience. Those protective mechanism will block your healing unless you work with someone with enough experience to successfully navigate the inner landscape.

If you are considering one on one support in healing heart wounds, click here to sign up for a complementary Heart Healing Session. Or scroll down for more information.

May you heal your heart,

❤️Bindu

Rejuvenate!

Discover a nurturing experience that supports you in:

  • Healing your heart wounds
  • Rediscover your authentic self
  • Nurture and love your body
  • Discover inner peace
  • Release pain and tension
  • De-escalate anxiety
  • Reduce depression
  • Improve sleep
  • Increasing self awareness
  • Build self care and self love

 Heart Wound Healing and Support

Complimentary Session

 Available via phone, skype, zoom or facetime

 Heart Healing Session

with Bindu

  • Feel accepted however you show up
  • Feel heard and understood
  • Share the burden of your pain
  • Experience a safe space for healing
  • Ask any questions that you have
  • Receive guidance in healing the heart
  • No pressure or hard sells
  • Experience unconditional love
  • Reclaim hope
  • Receive support
Opening to Love

Opening to Love

I suspect that surrender to what is can be one of the most difficult things a person with fibromyalgia can do. It certainly was for me. For years I denied, fought, and tried to ignore the limitations that fibromyalgia had over my body and my life.

Finally I was pushed into submission. All the fighting, denying and ignoring wasn’t working. I had to accept the reality of what was happening in my body and the limitations that it imposed on my life.

Surrender was the best thing I ever did. I don’t mean surrender as in giving up. I mean surrender as in accepting the reality of fibromyalgia and the limitations that it imposed upon me and my life.

It was only then that I could truly begin to heal. From a space of acceptance, I could explore, experiment and discover ways that I could rebuild my health.

I had to open my heart to myself and treat myself with love, compassion and acceptance as I was, fibromyalgia, messiness and all, before I could truly heal.

Join me in the power of surrender and experience how empowering it truly is.

May you surrender and discover the true power of Love, ❤️Bindu

Healing the Heart

Healing the Heart

Heart wounds are those experiences that get lodged in our heart that disconnect us from our connection to God, our sense of our inner self and our authentic self.  These heart wounds are what make us feel like we are not enough and that we can’t trust our own inner knowing.  They inhibit our aliveness and inhibit the expression of who we really are. 

These heart wounds are the foundation of ill health.  The inhibit joy and the free flow of energy in the body.  We compensate for these wounds by compromising our expression in the world.  By being disconnected from our true self, we become the walking wounded; physically, emotionally and mentally.

The four basic types of heart wounds are:

Neglect

Neglect happens when we do not receive the love, nurturing and basic care when we are infants or even later in life.  It sends us the message that we are not important.  When we are neglected, we tend to feel invisible and not enough.  We crave love and care.   We crave the loving nurturance that a loving mother would give a child.  Our self esteem is gone.  Our sense of self is weak. We are afraid to express our self.  We fade into the background and live a life of secret misery. Our beauty and gifts are lost to the world. 

 Abuse

Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused.  Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t ok.  It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved.  We often feel like life isn’t safe.  We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come.  We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser.  If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met.  Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression. 

Co-dependency

Co-dependency happens when those who raised us have unhealthy boundaries and therefore, we never learn healthy boundaries.  In this case, our sense of self is obscured.  We derive our sense of self through other people not through our self.   We need the approval of others to feel ok.  Our true self cannot be felt and expressed.  We often lack healthy boundaries.  We allow others to abuse us.  We are people pleasers.  We take on other people’s problems to solve.  We don’t know what we want or need.  Even if we did know what we wanted or needed, we are powerless to claim that.  We are too busy taking care of others or living through others. 

 Loss

Loss is when we have a loss of someone whom we loved and or who loved us.  If is the loss of a parent at a young age, it undermines our sense of trust in the world.  It lodges a deep sense of sadness within the heart.  If the loss occurs when we are very young or have any of the other core wounds, we may not have the inner resources to overcome the loss and the sadness may linger into adulthood.  We live a life of sadness and depression without knowing why. 

This may sound tragic and it is.  It is the loss of ourselves, our freedom, and our joy.  I believe the underlying cause of fibromyaligia is unhealed heart wounds.  It has certainly been a major factor in my health challenges.  

The good news!

The good news is that these wounds can be healed and we can move beyond them.  In fact, in the process of healing our core wounds lead us to great strength and power.  They teach us compassion and love and many other lessons.  

Introspection for the week:

  1. Look within and notice which of these heart wounds you have experienced.
  2. Notice how they have impacted you and your life.
  3. How have you compensated in order to survive with the unhealed wound?
  4. What healing of the wound(s) have you already accomplished?
  5. What still needs to be healed?

Rejuvenate

The rejuvenate program is designed to help in the healing of heart wounds. When I began practicing yoga, relaxation, breathwork and meditation, I became more aware of my heart wounds and had the tools to unwind the wounds and reclaim my heart.  Click here to find out more or see below. 

May your heart be healed,

Bindu

Featured in Rejuvenate in July

Chair Yoga session:

  • Intro yoga basics
  • Synchronizing breath and movements
  • Finding and exploring integrative edge
  • Alignment of joints for support
  • Body awareness
  • Chair Tadasana the Mountain Pose, rebuilds strength and posture
  • Guided Relaxation

Joint Feeing Movements and Tadasana

  • Gently move each joint in the body
  • Relaxes and opens the muscles and joints
  • Energizes and increases oxygen flow
  • Improves joint health
  • Standing Tadasana, The Mountain Pose
  • Guided relaxation

Relaxation and Meditation

  • Becoming Present
  • Self Love and Compassion