Anatomy of a Heart Wound

Anatomy of a Heart Wound

In the last few newsletters, I have mentioned the 6 steps to heal a heart wound. In this article I will explore the anatomy of a Heart Wound so we can better understand the importance of the 6 steps to heal the heart wound.

We need to progress through all 6 steps of the heart wound to clear all dimensions.

 

1.    Cellular Memory

This show ups as images and memories of the event. In the case of very severe heart wounds the memories are suppressed and hidden away as a protective mechanism. When the wound it too painful or frightening, or if we are shamed by what happened, we are protected by hiding the memory.

 

2.    Suppressed Emotions

Every heart wound has an emotional component. Whether it be fear, anger, sadness, grief or shame, these emotions get suppressed and live on in your emotional body. Until those emotions are released, you will always be at the mercy of them, showing up when you lest expect them. Until you can bring up the memory with no or little emotion around it the heart wound isn’t fully healed. These emotions are the gateway into the wound.

 

3.    Conditioning

Our heart wounds are born out of not getting our needs met in one way or another. When we have a need, as a child, we ask for what we need. A baby cries when they are hungry or need a diaper change. A child falls down and scrapes a knee and reaches out to the parent for comfort. A child who has suffered a loss, whether that be a pet, friend, parent or family member will reach out for love and assurance that all will be well. A toddler may try to take off a coat when they are too hot. A teenager might begin to pull away from a parent to test their independence as the approach adulthood.

If these needs are not met or if the child is punished for expressing the need, the child is conditioned by the parent as to what is acceptable and what is not. If suppressing their own needs to please a parent or care giver, that behavior can carry into adulthood. Stories and belief systems will be built around that.

 

3.    Stories

As long as the heart wound is not fully healed, the cellular memories and suppressed emotions live on in your body. You will feel their effect subconsciously and that is very uncomfortable. In order to live with this discomfort, we tell stories about why we feel the way we feel and act the way we act to rationalize what we are subconsciously feeling. This is a protective mechanism to avoid feeling the pain that is held in the cellular memory and emotional body. Eventually we think those stories are who we are.

We often make excuses for those who didn’t meet our needs. Or we think that something is wrong with us for having the need in the first place.

Additional stories are build around the conditioning. My needs aren’t important. I must take care of others and put their needs before mine. I cannot ask for what I need. I am not important. I am unworthy of love, comfort and assurance.

 

4.    Beliefs and Belief Systems

Out of the stories and conditioning, we develop beliefs and belief systems. Beliefs are what we tell our self about our self, others, life or God. The longer we hold onto a belief the more deeply ingrained that belief comes and the more power it holds over us. This is another brick or many bricks in the wall of protection that we build around our self.

 

5.    Coping mechanisms

At this point, we have placed our self in a box. We have suppressed our natural needs, gifts and expression. We do not feel fulfilled by life. A new layer of coping mechanisms appear.

Coping mechanism are actions that we take to avoid feeling and to pretend that life is good. They can be self destructive actions like compulsive eating, alcohol addiction, sex addiction, cutting. They can be avoidance actions such as being a perfectionist, over achiever, grandiosity, or over controlling. They can be mitigating actions such as people pleasing, hiding, isolating, memory losses, emotional breakdowns.

If we try to change the coping mechanisms without going through the 6 steps, it becomes a frustrating experience of repeated failure. More beliefs are built around the coping mechanisms and our failure to change them. ie. I am over emotional. I am successful. I am a looser so why try. I am a loner.

6 Steps to Heal a Heart Wound:

This anatomy of a Heart Wound give rise to the 6 steps to heal a heart wound. If you miss any of the steps, you will still be compromised by the Heart Wound. You might feel better. You might function better in the world.

But a part of you will still be in pain. And that pain is often hidden. We disclaim, abandon and exile the wounded parts of our self. We believe these parts are bad and often that was part of the conditioning that came along with the heart wound.

To fully heal a heart wound we need to embrace those abandon parts. Give them the loving attention that they needed at the time of the heart wound. Once the parts are embraced and healed, they can integrate back into a more complete expression of who we are.

 

The 6 steps to heal a heart wound are as follows.

  1. Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
  2. Allow yourself to feel the emotions and the pain of the wound.
  3. Realize the coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
  4. Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
  5. Re-script the beliefs from life negative beliefs to life enhancing beliefs.
  6. Choose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.

These 6 steps aren’t necessarily linear. We need to allow our psyche lead us in unravelling the quagmire of cellular memories, suppressed emotions, conditioning, beliefs and belief systems, and coping mechanisms.

 

The Untouched Blueprint of our Authentic Self

We have with us an untouched stillness that holds the blue print of our authentic self. That authentic self is who were were meant to be and includes our core values, gifts and talents, creativity and authentic expression. To re-access that part of our self is to become fully alive and expressive again.

 

Incomplete Healing

I have coached many people who have done years of psychotherapy. They normally have dealt with the stories, beliefs and belief systems, conditioning, and coping mechanisms. But it is my experience that until the suppressed emotions and cellular memories are addressed, they aren’t fully free and the heart wounds aren’t fully healed.

The emotions and cellular memories are held in the limbic brain and in the cellular body and are usually untouched by cognitive only therapies. In my own experience sitting with my emotions and allowing the memories to surface has brought about healing that could never be done on a cognitive level.

I have also coached people who have done a lot of somatic work, releasing cellular memories and emotions from the body. But if they have not explored their belief systems, conditioning, stories and coping mechanisms and re-scripted them they can still remain relatively dysfunctional in the world.

There is a third group of people who have used spiritual practice to resolve trauma by transcending, yet transcending an experience doesn’t heal it. They too need to work through the 6 steps of healing.

Any one of the 6 steps that are ignored can compromise your happiness, health and healing.

Coming Next Week

Next week, I’ll focus on Part 2 of Healing the Abuse Heart Wound. I wanted to provide this background before proceeding to that.

May you be thorough in your healing, ❤️Bindu

Rejuvenate!

Discover a nurturing experience that supports you in:

  • Healing your heart wounds
  • Rediscover your authentic self
  • Nurture and love your body
  • Discover inner peace
  • Release pain and tension
  • De-escalate anxiety
  • Reduce depression
  • Improve sleep
  • Increasing self awareness
  • Build self care and self love

 Heart Wound Healing and Support

Complimentary Session

 Available via phone, skype, zoom or facetime

 Heart Healing Session

with Bindu

  • Feel accepted however you show up
  • Feel heard and understood
  • Share the burden of your pain
  • Experience a safe space for healing
  • Ask any questions that you have
  • Receive guidance in healing the heart
  • No pressure or hard sells
  • Experience unconditional love
  • Reclaim hope
  • Receive support

The Power of Awareness

The Power of Awareness

A lot of what I teach is awareness. Perhaps it would be helpful for me to describe what I mean by awareness and why it is so important.

What is Awareness?

We are very complex beings. We are multi-dimensional. By multi-dimensional, I mean that we have a physical body, emotional body, mental body, energetic body and a spiritual body. Within each of these dimensions are many energies and processes that function to give us the experience we have. Most of these processes and functions go on behind the scene and beyond our conscious awareness.

That is part of the grand design of a human being. Our heart beats without us needing to do anything. Our lungs breath without us knowing how this happens. We feel things, emotionally and energetically. Our mind thinks without our volition. We have cellular memories of our past that are subtle images playing continuously. All this and more is going on in the background creating what we experience moment to moment. Most of this we are not consciously aware of.

When we build awareness, we are choosing to bring into awareness some of these “programs” running in the background. We become more aware of our thoughts, emotions, physical sensations, energies, memories and soul.

 

Why is Awareness Important?

Awareness is important because it is these background happenings that create our experience of life. By becoming more aware of what is going on behind the scene, we can and will change the experience of our life. We can become the co-creator of our experience rather than the victims of our past and our conditioning.

Does this sound intriguing? Interesting? In my experience, becoming more aware has been a wonderful experience for me. I have changed and evolved in many ways that I could never have imagined. With increased awareness, we can impact our physical health, improve our relationships with others, improve our mood, get better sleep, enjoy life and more. We will experience a fullness of life that isn’t possible without increased awareness.

That is all I will say for today. But I will continue with this in future posts.

May your awareness grow,

❤️Bindu

Stay Tuned – Coming Soon

Designed for fibromyalgia and beneficial to everyone. Revitalize your body, calm your mind, embrace your heart, discover inner peace. Includes: 

Integrative Movement – yoga, tai chi chi gong, inner dance, joint freeing and more. 

Relax, Meditate and Rejuvenate – guided relaxation, breath work, and meditation.

5 Steps to Break the Cycle of Stress

5 Steps to Break the Cycle of Stress

 Stress is a major factor in illness.

Stress is an important factor in the vast majority of illnesses, both directly and indirectly.  Stress can have a negative impact on just about every part of your body.  It can suppress your immune function, cause a heart attack or stroke, increase your risk of cancer, delay wound healing, promote inflammation, cause you to gain weight, impair your memory, cause depression, exacerbate diabetes, and worsen your sexual function . . . just for starters.   Stress also makes you age faster even at a genetic and cellular level.

Life is becoming increasingly difficult

A lot of people are feeling that life is increasingly difficult as our world seems to be spiraling out of control.  We watch helplessly as parts of our globe descend into madness and terrorism, and our governments seem increasingly unresponsive to individual needs.  Our lives have become more complicated and we are constantly bombarded with information through television, printed materials and the internet.  Rather than having quiet family time in the evening, our families are scattered doing different activities.

Stress comes from what is going on inside

Stress comes not only from what is going on in your life, but even more important from how you react to it.  When you practice simple stress management techniques, on a regular basis, you can be in the same job, the same environment, even the same family but react in more constructive and healthful ways.

Stress management tools assist us in reducing stress. 

Stress management techniques assist us in responding to the stresses in our lives in a detached and constructive way.  Rather than reacting to events in our lives with fear and contraction, we can respond to them with awareness, love and creativity.  There are many stress management techniques that can be applied and even become our habitual way of being.

We can address stress through physiological techniques such as breathe management, exercise, yoga and relaxation techniques or through psychological techniques such as meditation and conscious introspection.   These techniques assist us in releasing accumulated stress and tension and bring about a greater awareness of how we create stress and tension through our mental, physical and emotional reactions to events in our lives.

Deep breathing provides instant stress reduction. 

Breathing techniques are one of the quickest and easiest ways to break the cycle of stress.  If you slow down and deepen your breath, you will automatically become more relaxed.  When you breath slowly and deeply, it initiates a relaxation response in the nervous system and helps you to become more aware of your reactions. 

Awareness is a key component in reducing stress.  

This week, take some time to contemplate the following:

  1. What are the things in your life that cause you to feel stressed?
  2. What do you do when you feel stressed?
  3. Observe yourself over the next week and notice your stress level, what causes you to feel stressed and what you do when you feel stress.
  4. Consider health ways to address your stress, such as exercise, journaling, breathing, talking it out with a friend.
  5. Experiment with addressing your stress in new ways.

Share your questions, successes and thoughts below.  

Courage

Courage

Each day of living with fibromyalgia builds my courage.

Each moment I embrace myself with love builds my courage.  

I am blessed. 

“Every situation is an opportunity for growth and development.

Everything that happens supports my learning process

and brings me back to my Real Self.  

The challenges I face are always in line with my ability to meet them.

Challenge strengthens my faith in myself and God.”

                                                                                       Nogah Lord

4 Types of Heart Wounds

4 Types of Heart Wounds

Heart wounds are those experiences that get lodged in our heart that disconnect us from our connection to God, our sense of our inner self and our authentic self.  These heart wounds are what make us feel like we are not enough and that we can’t trust our own inner knowing.  They inhibit our aliveness and inhibit the expression of who we really are. 

These heart wounds are the foundation of ill health.  The inhibit joy and the free flow of energy in the body.  We compensate for these wounds by compromising our expression in the world.  By being disconnected from our true self, we become the walking wounded; physically, emotionally and mentally.

The four basic types of heart wounds are:

Neglect

Neglect happens when we do not receive the love, nurturing and basic care when we are infants or even later in life.  It sends us the message that we are not important.  When we are neglected, we tend to feel invisible and not enough.  We crave love and care.   We crave the loving nurturance that a loving mother would give a child.  Our self esteem is gone.  Our sense of self is weak. We are afraid to express our self.  We fade into the background and live a life of secret misery. Our beauty and gifts are lost to the world. 

 Abuse

Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused.  Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t ok.  It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved.  We often feel like life isn’t safe.  We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come.  We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser.  If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met.  Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression. 

Co-dependency

Co-dependency happens when those who raised us have unhealthy boundaries and therefore, we never learn healthy boundaries.  In this case, our sense of self is obscured.  We derive our sense of self through other people not through our self.   We need the approval of others to feel ok.  Our true self cannot be felt and expressed.  We often lack healthy boundaries.  We allow others to abuse us.  We are people pleasers.  We take on other people’s problems to solve.  We don’t know what we want or need.  Even if we did know what we wanted or needed, we are powerless to claim that.  We are too busy taking care of others or living through others. 

 Loss

Loss is when we have a loss of someone whom we loved and or who loved us.  If is the loss of a parent at a young age, it undermines our sense of trust in the world.  It lodges a deep sense of sadness within the heart.  If the loss occurs when we are very young or have any of the other core wounds, we may not have the inner resources to overcome the loss and the sadness may linger into adulthood.  We live a life of sadness and depression without knowing why. 

This may sound tragic and it is.  It is the loss of ourselves, our freedom, and our joy.  I believe the underlying cause of fibromyaligia is unhealed heart wounds.  It has certainly been a major factor in my health challenges.  

The good news!

The good news is that these wounds can be healed and we can move beyond them.  In fact, in the process of healing our core wounds lead us to great strength and power.  They teach us compassion and love and many other lessons.  

Introspection for the week:

  1. Look within and notice which of these heart wounds you have experienced.
  2. Notice how they have impacted you and your life.
  3. How have you compensated in order to survive with the unhealed wound?
  4. What healing of the wound(s) have you already accomplished?
  5. What still needs to be healed?

Stay tuned. 

Coming soon:  

Healing the Wounds of the Heart: An Online Group Healing Circle 

The Art of Self Love: Right Relationship with Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit

In the meantime:

If you would like assistance with healing your heart wounds, sign up for a complimentary Discovery session or an Inner Transformation session with Bindu.

With Love,

Bindu

Accepting the Unacceptable – Equanimity Pt 2

Accepting the Unacceptable – Equanimity Pt 2

Accepting the Unacceptable.

When I wrote my blog last week, I was reflecting on the power of equanimity.  The story that I shared shifted the way I perceived life, but it did not happen overnight.  I was pretty anchored in victim consciousness, struggling with health issues, career issues . . . . well in essence, my whole life was unraveling.  I had quit my job and was moving from Colorado to Massachusetts to study Macrobiotics.  It was the beginning of my quest for improved health and inner peace. As I listened to the story of the Farmer and the Old Horse as I drove cross country, I was amazed.   I had never even considered that the things happening in my life that I thought were bad, might not be in the long run.  It took me years and many ups and downs in my life to fully embrace the idea of equanimity. As I was posting last weeks post, I wondered if people with fibromyalgia could embrace such a concept.  The phrase Accepting the Unacceptable came to mind.  Living with fibromyalgia, is a day to day experience of accepting the unacceptable.  Mostly because there are many days that there is nothing you can do except to surrender to the pain, fatigue and depression that you feel.  And some days, not even that.

How can we Accept the Unacceptable?

And why would we even want to?  Isn’t accepting it just keeping us stuck in it.  Don’t we need to fight it and do everything in our power to find a solution?  To heal, or to reduce the pain, fatigue, depression, IBS, etc, etc, etc. In my years of struggling with fibromyalgia, I learned a lot.  I spent years resisting and denying what was happening in my body.  I would push beyond what was comfortable, thinking I could move beyond the pain.  In the long run, that only made me feel worse and led me to wishing I could just die, because life was just too painful.  A phrase from the song Wildflower by Skylark would often come to me: sleep is the only freedom that she knows.  This was my life.  Going to bed at night, even with restless sleep was the only freedom from the pain and depression I lived with every day.    Waking up in the morning and having to get out of bed was meeting the pain and fatigue all over again. Accepting that I couldn’t power my way through this, was a life changer for me.  I had to be honest and realistic with myself.  I had to be honest about what I could and couldn’t do.  I had to listen to my body and stop pushing myself.  Once I did that, I began the healing process.  I began to slow down.  I was able to say no to what I couldn’t accomplish. Both to myself and my family.

This was a major turning point in my life.

Out of this acceptance and listening to my body, I began to be able to manage my symptoms so that they were tolerable, and I could maintain a more consistent level of functionality.  By listening to my body, I found foods that were more supportive and exercise routines that worked for me.  I discovered how much sleep I needed and what would disturb or enhance my sleep.  I found the kind of regular schedule that would support me in keeping the symptoms at a tolerable level.  I discovered what kinds of activities I could engage in and others that I needed to avoid.  I could tell when my emotions and anxiety were spiraling out of control and learned ways to pull back to take care of myself.

By Accepting the Unacceptable, I found myself and was able to shift into healing. 

As the years progressed, I began to understand the gifts that were inherent in my years of suffering.  I really got the truth of the story of the Farmer and the Horse. I began to understand the positive impact having fibromyalgia had on me.  I began to receive the lessons of awareness, compassion, and truth that I received by living with fibromyalgia.  I began to let go of old conditioning and discover my authentic self.  Having fibromyalgia changed the trajectory of my life . . . many times.  It forced me to heal on many different levels.  It transformed me from a weak, unfulfilled, mean, needy, shallow person, to a strong, fulfilled, empowered, kind, self-sufficient woman.  For that I am grateful.

Weekly contemplation: 

This week take some time to ask yourself where you can allow more acceptance to happen.
  • Can you say no to a family member as you accept the fact that if you join a family event that you will be in pain for a week?
  • Can you say no to yourself as you accept that if you clean the house today you won’t be able to get up and fix breakfast in the morning . . . and need to ask for help?
  • What other examples can you come up with???
These moment by moment choices to accept what is and make choices based on what is, will pave the way to rebuilding your health.    Check out my blog that I will post in two weeks entitled:  The 5 phases of Fibromyalgia which takes the process even further. Next week I will post the third installment of the Power of Equanimity and offer some tools to begin to develop and nurture the state of equanimity in your consciousness. In the meantime, please share your insights and experiences as you experiment with Accepting the Unacceptable.