I originally wrote this blog in 2019. I came across it this week and wanted to share it again. Reading it was a remainder of the pain I had suffered with fibromyalgia. But what I also noticed was the reduction of the emotional charge of the memories. That is another level of healing, reminding me how far I have come in my recovery from fibromyalgia.
Enjoy the article. I hope it gives you a sense of being heard and understood along with hope that you too can recover from fibromyalgia.
Here is the Post:
A few days ago, someone told me that I didn’t know how to deal with fibromyalgia pain. You might say that was a pretty big trigger for me. Brought back all the memories of those who didn’t understand the pain I experienced with fibromyalgia. Part of working through this was remembering the worst times of my life. The pain and suffering. The experience of living with fibromyalgia. Of dealing with the pain for 30 years. Of not finding solutions. I do know how to deal with fibromyalgia. To live with the pain of fibromyalgia. Only to well.
Out of that came this post. I know that I constantly say that you can improve. You can rebuild your health. You can move beyond fibromyalgia.
I suspect there are many who doubt me; wonder if I am just pushing some new magic cure that doesn’t really work. Of capitalizing on other people’s pain. Of not knowing what I am talking about.
I am not. I have lived the experience of fibromyalgia and I have improved tremendously to the point where I am not in constant pain and misery. To the point where I have a life worth living. To the point where many days I forget that I have had fibromyalgia. Yes, it is there. It is real. It is possible.
I know your pain.
I may not know the specifics of your symptoms or of your life circumstances, but I know the pain.
I know the pain of being in constant physical pain. Of being in so much pain that you can’t even think. It takes all of your resources to be present with the pain. I know the fear and frustration of not being able to get rid of the pain. The fear of the pain never ending. The confusion of why this is happening and why can’t anyone help me. Why can’t anyone hear me or understand how much pain I am in.
I know the pain of insomnia. Of deadening fatigue, but not being able to sleep. Of night after night lying awake and not being able to sleep. Of waking in the morning feeling like you have been hit by a mac truck . . . maybe two. I remember the nights where my legs were so restless that sleep was impossible.
I know the pain of being depressed. Of seeing life through a constant cloud of negativity. Of feeling like you are moving through molasses. Of having brain fog so bad that you can’t think clearly. Of wishing you could die. Of feeling like everyone else has a normal life . . . why can’t I. Of wanting to just crawl in a hole and stay there.
I know the pain of chronic itchy burning skin. Of not being able to wear anything except loose soft comfortable clothing. Of not being able to wear jewelry because the weight of a simple neckless pains your neck. I remember the nights that I couldn’t fall asleep because my skin felt like it was on fire or that I was being pricked by 1000 needles at the same time.
I know the pain of chronic anxiety. Of panic attacks randomly showing up uninvited. Of being triggered by simple normal things. Of feeling unsafe. Of feeling trapped by the pain, depression and anxiety. Of walking through life terrified moment by moment.
I know the pain of endless mind-numbing fatigue. Of waking up totally exhausted whether the sleep be deep or uninterrupted. Of hating the thought of getting out of bed in the morning and facing the day. Of just wanting to sleep for 6 months . . . a year . . . more.
I know the pain of going to a doctor and hear them say there is nothing physical wrong with you . . . when you know there is. Of hearing them say it is all in your head. Of having them give you pills that may or may not relieve the pain and provides a whole new set of symptoms.
I know the pain of loss, unrelenting loss. Loss of confidence in your self and your body. Of losing people, loved ones, family, friends that don’t survive your illness. Of losing jobs, income, security, safety.
I know the pain of insecurity. Of financial stress. Of not being able to trust your body. Of not being able to schedule a lunch date because you don’t know if your body will get you there or not. Of having to cancel engagements at the last minute because your body flares up. Of going and then being in pain and not enjoying the event but feeling tortured the whole time you are there.
I also know how it feels when you are told there is no cure. Of wondering if you can continue to live like this. How it feels to imagine a lifetime of this pain and unhappiness. Of trying treatment after treatment and feeling discouraged with the results. I know.
I know the pain of being criticized, ridiculed and persecuted for having an invisible disease.
I know the pain of missing out on family events. The pain of feeling distanced from my family because I couldn’t keep up with their pace. Of not being able to keep your house clean or torturing yourself to clean the house. Of being left behind when the rest of the world is speeding forward.
I know. I have been there. I lived it for 30 years. I am better now, but I remember. I know.
I also know your strength
The strength of getting up every morning. Of facing the day. The pain. The depression, the anxiety, the loss, the feeling unheard. Of feeling powerless. Of feeling unheard, of feeling invisible. Of feeling frustrated.
I know how hard it is to live the life with fibromyalgia as your constant experience. I know how much strength it takes of live that way. I know. I have been there. I lived it for 30 years. I am better now, but I remember. I know.
I know how to deal with fibromyalgia pain. How to live with it ungracefully and how to live with it gracefully (as humanly possible). How to breath, be present with the pain. How to exercise within my limitations. How to eat well to minimize symptoms. How to function on a tank half full. How to set boundaries to take care of yourself. How to manage my lifestyle to accommodate a devastating invisible illness. How to have less than I want or need because of my limitations.
I know. I did that for 30 years. I am better now, but I remember.
I also know that rebuilding your health is an option.
I know that you can move past the experience of fibromyalgia. To end the anxiety and depression. To get a good night’s sleep and wake up feeling refreshed in the morning. To feel good in your body. To enjoy life again.
I know that you can improve. I know because I have experienced it myself. Improvement, release from the pain. Finding a life that offers peace and contentment. I know.
It isn’t a quick fix. It takes commitment, a willingness to make changes in your eating and lifestyle. It means looking within to discover the true source of pain and loving yourself enough to feel and heal your own pain. It means discovering the unhealthy beliefs that rule your life and keep you in negative cycles. It takes a willingness to change who you are. Not from force or willpower, but by allowing life to change you, allowing the illness to transform you into a different person. The important unchanging aspect of you will still be there, but the masks and fake part of your that you adopted to survive will be shifted, changed and/or released. Like the lump of coal that turns into a diamond after its transformation.
It isn’t a quick fix. It is a journey that is very rewarding and fulfilling. You will discover a you that is healthy, whole and complete. Who is awesome and powerful.
If you chose this journey of rebuilding your health, I am here to support you.
I am here to support you, to educate you, to hold your hand if needed. I am here to remind you when the going gets tough that you are not alone. That you can and will make it and you will be happy and thrilled with your new self and new life.
I hold the space for your wholeness and improved health. It is here for you to claim and embody.
My intention is to build a community of women committed to their health and wholeness. Committed to rebuilding their health and the transformation that entails. A community based in safety, compassion and love, where we can come together to discover love, acceptance and healing.
Please join me/us as we grow together in love, peace and harmony.
Always remember, there is hope.