A Story of Transformation

A Story of Transformation

This week, I want to share a powerful experience that I had using the introspection I offered last week.

How focusing on my pain healed my pain.

In my search for health, early on, I spent 6 years at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health as a resident staff member. My pain was very severe when I arrived there. We did yoga each morning.

When I shared the experience of my “pain”. They suggested treating pain as a sensation. A more neutral term. It was also suggested to breathe and watch the pain rather than react to it. Also to breathe into the pain.

I was doubtful that this would do any good, but decided to give it a try. It was certainly a new concept for me.

One day, my pain was particularly strong. Even off the yoga mat, there was a persistent pain that wouldn’t go away. I decided to take a warm bath. During the bath, I allowed myself to set with the pain and breathe into it as I had been instructed.

What happened after that changed my life.

It started with a memory of my Grandfather’s death when I was about 14. I was devastated by his death and wouldn’t even get out of bed for a few days. I was heart broken. The grief was overwhelming. I continued to breath and allowed myself to fully feel the grief.

As I continued to breathe the grief passed and I felt the love that my grandfather gave me. I was so devastated because he was one of the few people that I truly felt loved by and safe with. It was a great loss.

As I continued to breathe and watch my experience unfold, I got some insights about how my grandfather’s death impacted my relationships with men. It was only a year or two after his death that I began feeling an attraction to boys/men and then dating. I realized that for most of my life I had been looking for the unconditional love that I felt from my grandfather in my relationships with men. And that I had never really found that love.

Because of my grandfather’s unconditional love for me had I unconsciously set the bar really high. But at the same time, I was so desperate for love, that I would stay in a relationship that wasn’t right for me. Always hoping for that unconditional love. It never really came.

By the time the bath was over, the pain was gone. I had released the grief over my grandfather’s death and reconnected with the unconditional love that he had given me. I also had a new perspective on relationships with men that was much more healthy for me. I knew what unconditional love felt like and knew that was what was most important in a relationship.

This was a life changing event.

This is just one example.

My story above is just on example of the transformative power of listening to the body. It was the first for me and I was pretty blown away by the power of it. I now knew that I had stumbled upon a powerful tool for healing and transformation.

Over the last 37 years since this experience, I used this to help heal my body and resolve unresolvable issues in my life. Rather than trying to figure out from my mind how to resolve a problem, I engaged my body and released what was blocking resolution and getting insight and resolutions to the root of the issue.

I have used this to heal my relationships with my mother, father, siblings, men, co-workers and friends. All the while also resolving the pain in my body.

Here is a link to last week’s blog so you can try it.  

Weekly Practice

Take some time this week to explore connecting with your body. Take 15 minutes a day to spend focused on your body. It will help you repair your relationship with your body. Your body needs to be your ally rather than your enemy. It wants to be healthy. It wants you to be happy and fulfilled. Next week, I will talk more about listening to the body and hearing your own pain.

May you and your body become friends, 💗Bindu

P.S. Although this is a powerful tool, sometimes our subconscious mind blocks our ability to feel and release the emotions. In such cases a session with a practitioner can assist with the process. I am such a person having experienced this transformation personally and professional trainings to facilitate others through this process.

If you are interested, I offer a free Heart Healing Session. Just click here to request a session

Bless Your Anger

Bless Your Anger

All emotions are a gift.  They are a necessary part of who we are.  Our life force is contained in our emotions.  

Anger is a very powerful emotion.  When we are angry it is a sign that our boundries have been invaded or that we are giving our power away.

Years ago, I realized that when I was angry, it was because I was giving my power away to something or someone else.  As I became aware of this, I could make different choices and begin to reclaim my power.

What is the underlying source of your anger?  Have your boundaries been violated?  Are you giving your power away?   Something else?  

This week, contemplate on the source of your anger.  Look at where it is coming from and ask yourself how you can reclaim your power.  

 

May your Anger keep you safe, 💗Bindu

A Story of Transformation

Please Hear My Pain Pt 2

Do you hear your own pain beyond the physical pain? 

Last week in Please Hear My Pain Pt 1, I talked about the need to feel heard and how other people couldn’t understand our experience.  This week, we are going to explore a deeper level of hearing your own pain.

Is your body talking to you?

The body holds an intelligence of its own, separate from your mind.  When the body is in pain, it is trying to tell us something.  For those of us with fibromyalgia, the body is literally screaming at us.   It may have something to say that we are not hearing. This does not mean we do not support the body on a physical level.   It means that we take into consideration our body’s input when making decisions about our health.

Your body is a valuable resource

Often in the experience with fibromyalgia, we think of the body as the enemy.  The body has betrayed us.  What if the opposite is true?  What if your body is your friend?  What if your body is trying to guide you to improved health?  What if your body and inner knowing is trying to guide you to discovering a happier, healthier, more fulfilling life experience?

Are you listening?

Are you listening to your body?  Can you hear what your body is trying to tell you?  So often, when we feel pain, we look outside of ourselves for the solution.  In today’s society, we are conditioned to do that.  The doctor or alternative health practitioner is the expert on our illness.  We look to them for answers. We don’t understand that if we learned to listen to our body and understand what it is telling us, that we could unravel our own pain.  We don’t know that we are the expert on our own body and that our body is the expert on our health.

After a doctors appointment where I felt dismissed and misunderstood, I realized that in 15 minutes I was trying to convey how I felt.  I was with my body 24/7.  I was very intimate with my own body.  It wasn’t possible for me to communicate the depth of my experience with anyone else or for them to understand it.

At the time, I wasn’t sure what to do with this.  As I began to take more responsibility for my health and make my own decisions, I realized that I knew my body best and needed to be proactive about my health choices.

This doesn’t mean that we don’t work with doctors or alternative practitioners.  It does mean that we partner with them.  We can do our own research.  We can tell our health practioners what works and what doesn’t.  We can share with them our own insights and intuitions.  Sometime, we can resolve symptoms by ourself, just by listening to our body.

How can we understand what our body is trying to tell us?

The body speaks through the vehicle of sensation.  We can learn to communicate with our body.  By being present with the sensations/pain, we can begin to tap into the underlying wisdom of the body. The first step is to learn to be present with your body.  Here are some steps that you can use:

  1. Turn off music, phones, television and put a do not disturb sign on the door.
  2. Get yourself in a comfortable lying position on a firm surface.
  3. Slow down and deepen your breath.
  4. Begin to feel the weight of your body against the surface you are lying on.
  5. As you breathe, focus on letting your body soften into the support of the surface.
  6. Do this for several moments.
  7. As the body relaxes, take time to be present with the sensations / pain in your body.
  8. Notice the tendency to recoil from the pain/sensation or drift into thinking.
  9. When you notice this, focus on your breath and invite your body and mind to relax.
  10. Breathe in deeply and exhale with a sigh.
  11. Allow yourself to be present with the sensation.
  12. Repeat steps 7 through 11 until you can feel more comfortable with the pain/sensation.

As you remain present with the sensation, begin to explore it. Here are some questions you can ask to go deeper:

  1. Where is the strongest sensation?
  2. Is there a color, shape or texture to the sensation?
  3. Notice if you feel an emotion.  If so, allow yourself to feel the emotion.
  4. Ask the sensation if it has a message for you or is trying to tell you something.
  5. Notice the conversation that comes into your mind. What are you thinking about?
  6. Be aware of pictures or images that arise.

This process will begin to open the communication with your body.  Sometimes tension will release just by being present with it.  As you work with this, you can begin to create a healthy, loving, harmonious relationship with your body.  This is a first step in reconnecting with your inner wisdom.

Weekly Practice

Take some time this week to explore connecting with your body.  Take 15 minutes a day to spend focused on your body.  It will help you repair your relationship with your body.  Your body needs to be your ally rather than your enemy.  It wants to be healthy.  It wants you to be happy and fulfilled.

Next week, I will talk more about listening to the body and hearing your own pain.

May you and your body become friends, ❤Bindu

Take Responsibility

Take Responsibility

Food for thought for the week

 

How often do you do something to please someone else when you really don’t want to?

Are you looking for someone’s approval to feel OK about yourself?

Do you let another persons mood impact your happiness?

Is it really OK to listen to your heart and do what is best for you?

Can you trust if you do what is best for you, that the other person will still be OK?

Can you do the things that give you joy, happiness, and peace of mind?

Please Hear My Pain

Please Hear My Pain

One of the biggest challenges for women with fibromyalgia is feeling heard. 

We go to medical doctors and they might say, “there is nothing physically wrong with you”, “it is all in your head”, “you are just a hypochondriac”.

If you have danced with the new age or positive thinking movement, you may have heard, “take responsibility for your health”, or “you created it”, or “just get over it”.

Family and friends might say, “you’re just lazy”, “your being selfish”, “everyone has pain”, “your overly sensitive”, and on and on.

It just hurts.  What they say hurts. 

Because there are some days that you barely have the energy to get out of bed.  Or perhaps your pain is so bad that it is impossible to function.  Or the brain fog is so bad that clear thinking is impossible.  Or you skin itches so bad that it hurts to wear clothes.

You can’t do the things they think you can do.  You feel their judgement and condemnation.  Perhaps you silently feel the same way, you don’t understand why you feel the way you feel either and you just want to feel better, but you feel helpless to do anything about it and nobody else seems to understand either.

I also think that many of us with fibromyalgia have a unhealed heart wound of being unseen, unheard and unappreciated.  We crave to be seen and heard for who we are.  Every time someone cannot or does not see us or invalidates us it retriggers that old wound and adds a layer to it.   

That is painful.  It hurts.  In this email and the next three emails in this Please Hear My Pain series will give you some tools to work with to help to alleviate that pain and reclaim your own authority.  

Truth is, they do not understand.

It took me years until I realized that they truly could not understand.  As I lay in bed one day wishing I could die, I realized that if I wasn’t having this experience, I wouldn’t be able to understand either.   The pain and fatigue I experienced and the disabling effect it had on me was beyond understanding.

One day a friend of mine had just come home from the hospital, where he had been for several day with meningitis.  The only treatment they could give him was to keep him hydrated.  The illness had to run its course.   He said to me, “I think I can understand how you must feel.  I was in complete misery for a week and couldn’t do anything about it.”  I said to him, “Imaging feeling like that every day for 30 years and you might be able to fully understand how I feel.”  I did appreciate his comment and understanding.  It helped.

Adopting a healthy attitude.

Once I got how impossible it is for someone not having fibromyalgia to understand the experience I was having, I could deal better with the people who said such things.  I didn’t need to change them.  I just understood that they had no idea what they were talking about.

I adopted these three attitudes which helped me immensely.

  1. I didn’t take it personally. What they were saying had nothing to do with me.  They were talking from a place of unknowing.  I knew what I was experiencing and what I could and couldn’t do.
  2. I could forgive them for their ‘cruelty’ because I knew that they didn’t know what they were talking about. They were acting and speaking on misinformation.
  3. I realized that I had to trust and rely on my own knowing and inner council.
  4. I let go of the need for anyone else to understand what I was going through.

This brought me an increase sense of inner peace.

It was still frustrating at times and very lonely. But letting go of the guilt and blame released a great deal of inner struggle and torment.  I was no longer holding myself up to a standard that others held me up to.  I stopped criticizing myself for being sick.  I was able to hear myself and my own pain.

I could share my experience with others, who were interested, but even as I was sharing, I got that they couldn’t really understand without the experience of it.  Just imaging trying to explain to someone what an apple tastes like if they had never tasted an apple.  Do words ever fully describe an experience?

Is this still a struggle for you?

Is there a step you can take to be understanding and forgiving toward the people who say unthoughtful things?  Can you be more understanding and forgiving towards yourself?   What would that look like for you?

I hear your pain. 

When I hear you, I hear your pain.  I have been there.  I am not any more, but I know the experience.  I still have my issues.  I am still healing, but I am so much better than I was.  I truly want that for you too.

Until we meet again.

May be heard, seen and acknowledged,

💗Bindu

Courage

Courage

Each day of living with fibromyalgia builds my courage.

Each moment I embrace myself with love builds my courage.  

I am blessed. 

“Every situation is an opportunity for growth and development.

Everything that happens supports my learning process

and brings me back to my Real Self.  

The challenges I face are always in line with my ability to meet them.

Challenge strengthens my faith in myself and God.”

                                                                                       Nogah Lord