Fibromyalgia, Trauma and Shame

Fibromyalgia, Trauma and Shame

Do you ever feel like you can’t do anything right?

Do you feel like nobody likes you?

Do you criticize yourself?

Do you fail to stand up for yourself?

Do you ‘what if’ yourself related to past regrets?

Are you ashamed because you have fibromyalgia?


These are all symptoms of shame.

And shame is one of the symptoms of trauma.  Shame is a result of trauma.

Guilt says we have done something wrong.

Shame says that we are wrong, that there is something inherently wrong with who we are.  We don’t deserve respect.  We don’t deserve love.  Sometimes that we shouldn’t even exist.

Childhood Shame

Childhood shame is particularly invasive.  Especially if we had a parent who physically, mentally or emotionally abused us.  Or neglected us.  

The shame becomes part of our identity.  It influences every aspect of our lives.  Our careers, our relationships, our sense of family, our parenting.

It can seem that nothing goes quite right no matter how hard we try.  If something does go right, it doesn’t last. 

Adult Trauma

Even adult trauma can create the wound of shame.  We can feel that an accident or illness is our fault.  That we did something wrong or could have prevented it.   That is where the “if only’s” come into play.  

That isn’t real.  It isn’t your fault.  

Moving Beyond Shame

I think that shame is one of the most difficult things to overcome in our lives.  But with patience and persistence we can over come shame or at least take the edge off of it.  And most importantly, not let it control our lives.

First and foremost, we need to acknowledge the shame.  Recognize that there is a part of us who feels undeserving, unlovable and simply wrong.

The next step is to embrace that part of yourself with compassion.  To give that part what you didn’t get as a child . . . unconditional love.  Even the part that can’t fully love and accept yourself needs compassion.  

Simple tips to help in healing shame

There are some very simple tools that can help to heal shame.

1.  Simply place your hand on your heart. Feel the connection between your hand and your heart.   If you like, you can add your other hand.  And breathe.

2.  Find a phrase that is comforting to you.  It might be “I love you”  or “I forgive you”  or “I understand” or “I hear your pain” or “I am sorry you hurt so bad.”   Or another phrase of your choice. 

3. Think about what you most wanted to hear as a child.  Or what you would like to hear someone say to you now.  Say that to yourself.  

4.  Place your right hand under your left armpit.  Then place your left hand on your right upper arm.  Give yourself a gentle squeeze, a gentle hug.  

These might not seem like much, but your body, your nervous system and your heart doesn’t distinguish between who is giving the love.  If you gently hug yourself, that counts.  If you say, I love you to yourself, that counts.   The physical touch is particularly a good way to offer love to yourself. 

The Importance of Patience

If you are just beginning to express loving compassion to your wounded heart, it might not trust it in the beginning.  Your inner child has not learned to trust.  

Practice accepting yourself as you are with all your fears, anxiety, crazy, and idiosyncrasies.  You are unique.  You are special.  You just don’t remember that yet.  

When the shame arises, remind yourself that it isn’t who you are, just a wounded part that needs love too.  

My upcoming programs are a great way to receive support from a loving community of like minded individuals.  Stay tuned for more information. 

May you know that you are loved, 💗Bindu

Coming Soon!

Learning to Love Yourself!

Learning to Love Yourself!

In the early 80’s when I had just begun my search for healing, my sister gave me a recording of a song entitled, Learning to Love Yourself is the Greatest Love of All, by George Benson.

As I listened to it, I cried and cried.  It so touched my heart.  I could see how far away from loving myself I was.

For years, this became my theme song.  If I broke up from a relationship and was devastated, I asked myself, “how can I love my self more.”  If I am so devastated by the end of this relationship, then I need to learn to love myself more.

If I had a failure in my life, or things just weren’t going my way, I asked myself, “How can I love myself more.”

It took a long time and a lot of heart breaks and failures in my life, before I could truly love myself and hold myself with compassion.  But I have arrived.  I still have my moments of self judgment, but they no longer have much of a hold on me; sometimes just fleeting thoughts.  Sometimes they grab me and I hold myself with self-compassion and work through it.  Reminding myself that is only my shame talking and that isn’t who I am. 

I wish this for you also.

May you Love Yourself more and more each day.


Here is a link to listen to:

The Greatest Love of All by George Benson

and another rendition by Whitney Houston

I hope they encourage you the way it did for me.

The Fibromyalgia Matrix

The Fibromyalgia Matrix

When I first learned about fibromyalgia, I was excited . . . and then disappointed.

After 20 years of suffering, there was a name for what was going on with me. I thought that meant that it could be cured. I was sorely disappointed. I found that just because there was a name for what was wrong with me, didn’t mean that anyone knew how to heal it. 

I wanted to be healthy.

So, I pulled up my bootstraps and began applying what I had learned in my explorations of holistic health and consulted with holistic practitioners. By that time, I had given up on medical doctors as they had nothing to offer me that made any significant difference. In pulling it all together, I came to a place where I could manage my symptoms, but not make any real progress on completely eliminating them.  I wanted more. I wanted to be healthy and not live within the limitations of having fibromyalgia. I felt like I was living in a box and had to carefully manage my life to maintain a manageable level of pain and fatigue.  


Managing my symptoms wasn’t enough.

My search continued. I slowly began unraveling the underlying causes of my dis-ease.  Piece by piece, I began to resolve physical, mental, emotional, expression and spiritual imbalances that were keeping my stuck, unhappy and sick.   Realizing that there was not one thing that would fix or heal what was wrong with me, I coined the term the Fibromyalgia Matrix. 


Fibromyalgia Matrixtm

The Fibromyalgia Matrix is the interweaving and interconnected physical, emotional, mental, energetic and spiritual imbalances that underlies the experience of fibromyalgia. Each person’s matrix is unique to them, just like a fingerprint is unique. The Fibromyalgia Matrix creates chaos physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically. No foundation, no stability, impaired function, chaos, nothing to stand or build on. Sound familiar? 


Recovery from fibromyalgia! 

Recovery from fibromyalgia is a process of identifying and resolving these imbalances. It is quite like putting a puzzle together. You find the right pieces and put them together in the right sequence. Out of chaos comes order and improved function. As the pieces of the puzzle are found and put together, symptoms go away, health emerges, and peace is restored.  

Rather than chase symptoms, we find and resolve the underlying imbalances. That is the path to creating true health on all levels. 


The 8 fold process 

By moving through the 8-fold process I spoke about last week, we can unravel the Fibromyalgia Matrix, and progressively rebuild our health, reclaim our life, rediscover our joy and align with our purpose.   True health is much more than the elimination of physical symptoms. It is embracing the totality of who we are, body, mind, emotions, energy and spirit with love and compassion and reclaiming our uniqueness and our gifts and living successfully, powerfully and joyfully in the world. 


An Introduction to the Integrative Wholeness Experience to the Rescue!

That my friends, is what I am about. Are you ready to join me in this grand adventure? I hope so. That is why I am launching the Introduction to the Integrative Wholeness Experience next month. In this program, we can come together to heal individually and collectively. I’m excited about this. I hope you are too.  

Stay tuned, look for more information about the Integrative Wholeness Experience. 

May you be whole, 💕Bindu 

Coming Soon!  Stay tuned for details.

Can meditation calm fibromyalgia symptoms?

Can meditation calm fibromyalgia symptoms?

What is meditation?

The word meditation likely brings up many images or ideas about what that word means. The truth is that it means different things to different people. With that in mind, let’s take a look at meditation.

When most of us think of meditation, we think of stopping the mind, a meditation technique (such as watching a flame or repeating a mantra or watching the breath), or of a state of bliss. In truth, these things are part of meditation, but they are not the whole picture.

For me, the goal of meditation is twofold. It increases awareness; awareness of our thoughts, our bodies, our emotions. It also increases our awareness of the life around us  . . . or our external experience.

Meditation is also a practice that reconnects us to our Calm Inner Presence.  Presence is a valuable resource in our lives and includes the qualities of calmness, clarity, equanimity, compassion, creativity, and connectedness.

Meditation is not connected to or owned by any religious or spiritual group although many religious and spiritual groups include meditation in their practices. Therefore, meditation, in and of itself is non-denominational.


Meditation and the harnessing the mind

Have you ever tried to stop the mind? It really doesn’t work. The mind is like any other organ in the body. It has a job to do and its job is to think, just as the heart’s job is to pump blood and oxygen through our body 24/7. So, to try to stop the mind is a losing endeavor and we can become caught up in fighting with the mind, which is not helpful when “meditating.”

Yet, by sitting and watching the breath or a candle flame, we can create mini-vacations from the mind. In those mini-vacations, the mind is silent for a few moments or longer. Those gaps grow over time are helpful in allowing the mind, body and nervous system to relax.

Bringing your attention to a positive statement or mantra, helps us to break up the chain of habitual and life negative thoughts. Over time, those positive statements become part of our data base and balances the life negative thoughts.


Meditation builds patience and compassion

Initially when we sit to meditate, we will often lose our focus very quickly. At this point, most of us berate ourselves for losing our focus. But not to worry, losing your focus is part of the process. The important thing is that as soon as you notice that you have lost your focus, you simply bring your focus back to the technique. It is as simple as that.

This has a twofold purpose. Becoming aware that you are thinking again and have lost your focus builds awareness. Bringing your focus back to your technique begins to harness the mind.


What is the best meditation technique?

There are many meditation techniques and you may wonder which the best technique is. We are going to bring our idea of bio-individuality to meditation just as we have with all the other topics we have discussed. The perfect meditation technique for you will be the one that works the best for you. Period.

But, where to start? What meditation technique will work the best for you? Consider how you process life. Are you more visually oriented, mentally oriented or tactile (sensation) oriented? If you are visually oriented, you might want to choose a visual meditation technique such as gazing at a candle flame or imagining a particular image. If you are mentally oriented, you might choose a word, affirmation, or mantra that resonates with you. If you are tactile oriented, you might want to choose a sensation such as feeling the breath moving in the body or other sensations in the body.

Experiment with different techniques and see which one works the best for you. How do you know if it works? You will notice an increased sense of relaxation and calmness. As you continue your practice, you will notice periods of stillness or quietness followed by periods of activity. The periods of stillness or quietness increase, you may notice a detachment from your thoughts and even from the meditation technique.

Reclaim your Power of Choice

Meditation brings greater awareness of your thoughts, emotions, sensations, and spiritual essence. As your awareness increases, you have the ability to consciously choose rather than to unconsciously react to happenings within you and in your world.

You become more aware of how your thoughts, feelings, words and actions impact you and the world around you. As awareness increases, you begin to make more and more choices that will bring you back to a place of balance, calmness, relaxation, peace and harmony.


Connect with your calm inner Presence

Within in each of us is a calm inner Presence. That Presence is found in the gap between the thoughts.

Presence is our spiritual essence. The spark of God or Consciousness that lives within your heart and in every cell of your body.  You can allow this part of you to guide you through your life and assist you in creating more harmony, health, groundedness, and peace in your daily life. It can become a trusted guide as you navigate life’s challenges. It can be your anchor during your ups and downs.

Once you have tasted balance, peace and harmony, you will want more of it. It will become more important to you than things that pull you away from inner peace.


How does this help fibromyalgia?

With meditation the body, mind and nervous system can relax. You can move from fight, flight or freeze into, rest relax and repair. This is the foundation for rebuilding your health. Your body knows how to heal itself. But is needs to be in rest, relax and repair mode to be able to heal the body. In the rest cycle, the body makes repairs, removes toxins and allows your whole system to reset.


Contemplation for this week:

  1. Are my thought primarily negative or positive?
  2. How busy is my mind . . . just notice the busy-ness.
  3. Am I able to redirect my mind to thoughts of my choosing?
  4. How do I naturally relate to the world? Visually, mental, or sensory?
  5. Try sitting for 5 minutes each day just watching your breath. What happens?

In truth, meditation is very simple, but not always easy. It is helpful to have a teacher or group to assist you on the journey. Believe me, the mind will draw you away and it is helpful to have someone or a group to pull you back. 

Stay tuned. I am working on a group program to help with this process.  Not just meditation, but many tools to reconnect to our body, emotions, heart and spirit.  and begin the process of healing from the inside out.

May you connect with your calm inner Presence, 💗Bindu

Stay tuned

I am still working on the program that I will be launching.

More information coming soon.