The Energy / Emotions of the Heart Wound of Abuse
Each time I have set down to write this blog on healing the heart wound of abuse, I feel a sense of fear and trepidation. Today I realized that fear is the energy signature of the heart wound abuse. So, feeling that is perfectly normal as I write this article. I am connected with that heart wound and so can speak more clearly about it by being connected to it.
A reminder of the Heart Wound of Abuse
The heart wound of abuse is a violent Heart Wound. It is an attack on you or another. Whether it by physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically or spiritually. Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused. Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t OK. It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved.
We often feel like life isn’t safe. We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come. We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser. If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met. Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression.
Healing the Heart Wound of Abuse
Healing the heart wound of abuse means giving yourself the love and respect that you deserve. Being kind and gentle with yourself. Acknowledging the hurt, sad, angry, shamed and frightened parts of who you are and offering those parts acceptance and compassion.
Seems simple. It may be simple, but can be challenging. Why? When we are abused as a child, physically, mentally or emotionally the scars are very deep and imprinted into our psyche.
We build protections around the wound.
Here are some possible protections:
- You may not remember the event.
- You may have a order from the abuser that you cannot disclose what happened.
- You may feel shame about what happened; told that it was your fault.
- You don’t want to feel the emotion of the event(s). It is just to scary.
- You have created coping mechanisms that allow you to function and that feels safe.
- You have build a protective armor around the wound so that you won’t be hurt again.
- You may have exiled a part of yourself to feel safe. (ie your joy. playfulness, excitement, passion)
Some Tips to Heal the Abuse Heart Wound
Take it slowly.
Trying to go too fast can re-traumatize you.
Start by simply acknowledging how you feel.
The heart wound of abuse, leaves a mark of fear in your psyche. You may feel frightened all the time. You might have panic attacks. You might feel chronic low grace anxiety. Acknowledge the anxiety and understand that is the result of the abuse.
You might try to change or control circumstances around you, but that will never make the fear go away. It is a way for the part of you who is afraid trying to feel safe. (If you are currently in an abusive situation, it is ok to leave the situation.)
You might feel anger. You might feel sadness and grief.
Watch and be mindful what triggers the fear or anger.
Notice what triggers fear in you. Do some self inquiry about the trigger. What does it trigger within you? Why? You might want to write in a journal to explore this.
Ask: Does the situation I am in justify the level of fear?
Is the fear or anger exaggerated in proportion to the current situation? Does the current situation warrant that level of fear? If not, that is a sign that a heart wound is involved.
Ask: What are my coping mechanisms to avoid feeling the fear?
What do you grab onto or push away to try to feel safe? Do you over eat to avoid feeling the fear/pain? Do you lose yourself in work to avoid feeling the pain? Do you use alcohol or drugs to avoid feeling the pain?
Do you try to control others to feel safe? Do you try to control yourself to feel safe? Do you judge and criticize yourself? Do you cling to a relationship that doesn’t make you happy? Do you avoid personal relationships? Do you keep attracting the same abusive personalities?
None of these things are bad or wrong. They are ways that you used to be safe in a dangerous situation. They are ways that you used to protect yourself.
Yet, acknowledge them and ask if they are still keeping your safe or are they holding you back from being free of the heart wound.
Ask: What belief systems were born out of the abuse?
Here are some examples: I am a loser. I am not safe. People aren’t safe. The world isn’t safe. All men are bad. Everyone is out to get me.
Exploring the shadow side is an important part of healing the heart wound of abuse.
Acknowledge the wounded parts of yourself and practice meeting them with acceptance, compassion and understanding. Be present with the pain of your abused parts and let them know that the pain can and will end.
Return to the 6 steps to heal a heart wound.
Take some time each day, week or month to set down with the 6 steps to heal a heart wound. Which ones resonate with you? Which ones terrify you? Are there ones that bring up tears? Anger?
You can journal about the steps and your reaction to them. Or do a self inquiry and journal around each step.
Create healthy relationships. Spend time with people who you feel good around. And or someone who can give you the space to vent and release emotions safely.
Reach out to someone skilled in healing heart wounds. Acceptance, compassion and support are an important baseline skills for a practitioner.
Remember the three A’s
Sometimes we try really hard to heal our self. We try to change who we are into someone that we think we should be. We try to change our circumstances. We try to change others.
The three A’s of acceptance, awareness, and adjustment can bring about a deep healing. They are about accepting how we are right now. Out of that a deeper healing can occur. The parts of you who are wounded need your awareness, love and compassion in order to heal. To push them away, re-wounds them and keeps them locked in exile and they continue to vibrate in your subconscious sending a fear message to your nervous system.
Awareness – simply acknowledging what is right here, right now.
Acceptance – accepting what is right here, right now.
Adjustment – Out of acceptance comes choice. We can choose to feel. We can chose a different response to an event or person. We can chose new beliefs. And sometimes with acceptance, healing takes place spontaneously and a situation can resolve itself.
6 Steps to Heal a Heart Wound:
- Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions and the pain of the wound.
- Realize the coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
- Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
- Re-script the beliefs from life negative beliefs to life enhancing beliefs.
- Choose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.
If you have heart wounds, the Rejuvenate program is a great place to start. The rejuvenate program is designed to help in the healing of heart wounds. When I began practicing yoga, relaxation, breathwork and meditation, I became more aware of my heart wounds and had the tools to unwind the wounds and reclaim my heart. Click here to find out more or see below.
Private Heart Healing Sessions
It is almost impossible to heal your heart wound on your own. You have build in protective mechanisms that were created to keep yourself safe and survive the experience. Those protective mechanism will block your healing unless you work with someone with enough experience to successfully navigate the inner landscape.
If you are considering one on one support in healing heart wounds, click here to sign up for a complementary Heart Healing Session. Or scroll down for more information.
May you heal your heart,
Discover a nurturing experience that supports you in:
- Healing your heart wounds
- Rediscover your authentic self
- Nurture and love your body
- Discover inner peace
- Release pain and tension
- De-escalate anxiety
- Reduce depression
- Improve sleep
- Increasing self awareness
- Build self care and self love
Heart Wound Healing and Support
Available via phone, skype, zoom or facetime
Heart Healing Session
- Feel accepted however you show up
- Feel heard and understood
- Share the burden of your pain
- Experience a safe space for healing
- Ask any questions that you have
- Receive guidance in healing the heart
- No pressure or hard sells
- Experience unconditional love
- Reclaim hope
- Receive support