The Heart Wound Neglect
While the Heart wound of Neglect might not seem like a big deal, it is. Is can lie silently in the subconscious impacting our health, how we feel inside about our self and what we attract into our life.
Neglect happens when we do not receive the love, nurturing and basic care when we are infants or even later in life. It sends us the message that we are not important. When we are neglected, we tend to feel invisible and not enough. We crave love and care. We crave the loving nurturance that a loving mother would give a child. Our self esteem is gone. Our sense of self is weak. We are afraid to express our self. We fade into the background and live a life of secret misery. Our beauty and gifts are lost to the world.
The response of the caretaker to the needs of a child during the early years will set the stage for her sense of survival and safety as she grows. If the needs are met in a timely and caring manner, the child will grow up with a sense of feeling that she will survive, thrive and that she is cared for and loved. She will have a sense of empowerment and safety and the ability to move through life’s challenges.
If not, the child can grow up with a fear of survival if the needs are not met in a timely manner. If the physical needs are met with an attitude of resentment or hostility, the child can grow up with a sense of not feeling loved, cared for or worthy.
This can continue to impact the child through adolescence and adulthood and undermine her ability to feel that her physical needs will be taken care of and her emotional needs will be met. She may be challenged by thriving in the world. Experience difficulties in getting her physical and emotional needs met and may carry the energy of neediness.
This can impact her work situations and also personal and family relationships. It can also have an impact on physical health
Healing the Neglect Heart Wound
We can heal the Neglect heart would by giving our self the care and loving attention that we didn’t receive as a child. I know this can be difficult as your subconscious program is broadcasting the opposite. That your needs won’t be met and that you are not loveable or worthy. But it can be healed with patience and compassion.
The six steps of healing the Neglect Heart Wound
Step 1 – Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
- Reflect on your childhood experience in your family.
- Did you get your physical needs met with love and kindness?
- Did you get your emotional needs met?
- Did you know that you were loved?
- Did your family express love, concern and compassion towards you?
- Did they respond in a positive way when you needed something? Or did they shut you down or ignored you? Or communicated in words or actions that your needs weren’t ok.
- Were you told that they couldn’t afford what you needed?
Step 2 – Allow yourself to feel the pain and emotions of the wound.
If you ask yourself the above questions and you have the heart wound of neglect, it is pretty likely that you will feel the pain of the neglect heart wound. It won’t be comfortable. You might even want to run away and distract yourself. You may feel sad or alone or worthless. Those are terrible things to feel. I know. I feel them too when my neglect heart wound gets triggered.
Also notice when the heart wound gets triggered and notice what you feel emotionally or physically. When someone says something? Someone does something? Maybe an unexpected expense. An unkind word from a family member, friend, acquaintance, co-worker or boss. Awareness and acceptance is the first step to healing the heart wounds.
It is ok to take baby steps. A little at a time.
Step 3 – Coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
Make a list of your coping mechanisms that you created to survive. Keep in mind that coping mechanisms are not a bad thing. They were created out of your need to survive. But at this point in your life, they might be holding you back in some way.
As you heal the heart wound, you won’t need the coping mechanisms. Here are some examples to consider or you may have your own list.
- Being an overachiever. Being an underachiever. Being in a codependent relationship. Being in a relationship where you physical and/or emotional needs aren’t being met.
- Living below your potential. Not able to take risks. Depending on someone else for your well-being. Being excessively needy and feeling guilty about that. Not being able to ask for your needs to be met or even acknowledging that you have needs. Feeling guilty about having needs.
- Being over controlling. Being a people-please by giving other what they need at your expense.
Step 4 – Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
Here are some examples of beliefs that come out of the Neglect Heart Wound.
- I feel unsafe. I am frightened that my needs won’t be take care of. I’ll lose my sense of security in the world or may never have had it.
- No one loves me. I am alone and frightened. I have to figure out how to take care of myself, but I don’t believe I have what it takes to do that.
Step 5 – Re-script the beliefs from the life negative beliefs to the life enhancing beliefs. Repeat them on a regular basis.
Look at the beliefs that you wrote down. Make a positive statement to offset each negative one. Here are some examples:
- My needs are taken care of. I have all that I need. I am safe.
- I am loved. I love myself. I have friends and family that love me. I am appreciated for who I am.
- I have the power to take care of myself. If I am in a difficult situation, I have what it takes to move through and beyond the situation.
Tip: check in with your heart about the positive statements. If your psyche completely rejects it, it may not be helpful. Try to find ones that give you a sense of relief. Here are some examples of what that might sound like. If “I love myself” feels untrue, begin with something like:
- I am learning how to take care of myself.
- I am learning how to love myself.
- I am open to the possibility of loving myself.
Step 6 – Chose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.
Your actions steps will come out of you coping mechanism and your beliefs. Here are some examples:
- If you are and over achiever, allow yourself to be a bit less of an achiever. Maybe a bit less of a perfectionist. Let the kitchen get dirty without having to clean it all the time.
- Take a risk that you would have bypassed.
- Practice saying no rather than always putting someone else’s needs before yours.
- Ask for what you need. Identify what you need.
- Take a risk and let go of trying to control a person or situation.
- Create a vision of what you would like to create in your life.
I am in the midst of a dicey financial situation. I was presented with a request to cut back my hours with a job that I do. I over reacted and wrote a long message about why my hours shouldn’t be cut back, yet it was mostly fueled by fear. I deleted the message and asked myself how can I focus on creating something even better that this job I was doing? I sat down and did something productive by writing this newsletter. I am feeling much better. And I put myself out there in ways that I was afraid to. Now I feel inspired and hopeful.
Even as we heal out heart wounds, they will crop up from time to time when we are reaching outside of our comfort zone. But being familiar with them and having the tools to work through them in a healthy way is life changing. No longer held back by the wounds, but using them to catapult into a better future.
Getting help healing the Heart Wounds
An experienced coach can facilitate deeper healing in a nurturing caring environment. That is what I love more than anything. Helping people to heal is my life passion. So below is an opportunity to give a try for free!
I have three options to assist in healing heart wounds.
- Guided relaxations and healing experiences to nurture the body, mind, heart and soul.
- Gentle yoga to sooth and nurture the body, heart, mind and soul.
- Click here to learn more and register.
- Presence sessions are designed to heal the heart wounds that we carry. Bindu will listen to hear your thoughts, needs, challenges and wounds. Through active listening and questions to draw you out, we can identify underlying factors holding trauma, heart wound, negative life experiences and abuse in your heart. The space is designed for healing and filled with unconditional love and compassion. 90 minutes.
- Click here for a free 30 minute session.
Beyond Fibromyalgia Free Support Group
- This is a free online support group for men and women with fibromyalgia.
- It is a private forum away from Facebook or other social media sights.
- I’ll be posting my newsletter there so you can ask questions and we can have ‘conversations’ about the topic.
- Click here for more information and to join.
May you heal your heart,
Discover a nurturing experience that supports you in:
- Healing your heart wounds
- Rediscover your authentic self
- Nurture and love your body
- Discover inner peace
- Release pain and tension
- De-escalate anxiety
- Reduce depression
- Improve sleep
- Increasing self awareness
Build self care and self love