The Energy / Emotions of the Heart Wound of Co-dependency
The energy of the heart wound of co-dependency is often powerlessness. It is as though we cannot do anything without the support or approval of our co-dependent partner(s).
A reminder of the Heart Wound of Co-Dependency
Co-dependency happens when those who raised us have unhealthy boundaries and therefore, we never learn healthy boundaries. In this case, our sense of self is obscured. We derive our sense of self through other people not through our self. We need the approval of others to feel OK. Our true self cannot be felt and expressed. We often lack healthy boundaries. We allow others to abuse us. We are people pleasers. We take on other people’s problems to solve. We don’t know what we want or need. Even if we did know what we wanted or needed, we are powerless to claim that. We are too busy taking care of others or living through others.
Healing the Heart Wound of Co-Dependency
Healing the heart wound of co-dependency means releasing the need for the approval of others and discovering your uniqueness, your gifts, your independence and your true Self.
Who you are is buried under the have to’s and the framework under which your were raised. In co-dependent relationships, our sense of well-being is derived from those around us. We are conditioned to modify our behavior to please those who raised us.
Our unique personality, passions, likes and dislikes are set aside to please others. Without the approval of others, we feel lost and directionless. Our value is dependent on others. We have lost our self.
We look for our identity outside of our self. Through our job, husband, children, friends, groups. We change to the environment we are in to receive approval and guidance.
How to reclaim yourself and break free from co-dependency?
Nurture your self:
- Spend some time alone each day. Be with your own thoughts and feelings.
- Discover what brings you joy . . . . what do you enjoy doing? What do you dislike doing?
- What do you like to eat? Drink?
- Inquire into what is unique about you? Who are you that is different from anybody else? What is special about you?
- Explore ways to nurture yourself. Experiment with self-care. What do you like and what don’t you like?
- Treat yourself with kindness and respect.
- Forgive yourself for not being perfect. You are human. You are designed to make mistakes. Let every mistake be a learning step, not a condemnation of yourself.
- Let yourself grieve the loss of yourself.
- Celebrate each step that you take to reclaim yourself.
Break away from old patterns:
- Learn to say no. Say yes to what you truly want to do. If you are asked to do something that you don’t really want to do, give yourself the gift of saying no.
- Share your opinion in a conversation . . . even if it differs from the other person’s perspective.
- Empower others to take care of them self, rather than always taking care of them yourself.
- Let go of people pleasing. If someone doesn’t like what you have said or done, let that be ok. You don’t need anyone’s approval except your own. It isn’t your job to make another person happy.
- Be aware of your own self talk. Notice when you criticize yourself. And counter it with something that you appreciate about yourself.
Remember the three A’s
The three A’s apply to the Heart Wound of Co-Dependency
The three A’s of acceptance, awareness, and adjustment can bring about a deep healing. They are about accepting how we are right now. Out of that a deeper healing can occur.
Become aware of when you are being co-dependent. Become curious about that behavior and the motivations behind it. Bringing awareness to what is, begins the transformation.
Awareness – simply acknowledging what is right here, right now. Become more aware of your co-dependent behaviors and tendencies. Notice how that makes your feel. Allow the feelings.
Acceptance – accepting what is right here, right now. Accept where you are. And create an intention to rediscover your true self and free yourself from co-dependency
Adjustment – Out of acceptance comes choice. As your awareness grows, you will make choices to change.
6 Steps to Heal a Heart Wound:
- Acknowledge the wound. Realize it is there and tell the truth about it.
- Allow yourself to feel the emotions and the pain of the wound.
- Realize the coping mechanisms that you created to survive.
- Acknowledge the negative beliefs about yourself, others, the world and God that came out of the heart wound.
- Re-script the beliefs from life negative beliefs to life enhancing beliefs.
- Choose different actions and ways of being that are more life enhancing.
Support to heal your heart wounds
If you have heart wounds, the Rejuvenate program is a great place to start. The rejuvenate program is designed to help in the healing of heart wounds. It brings deeper self awareness. It teaching breathing practices that can help you to remain neutral. It releases trapped emotions from the body. It teaches how to be present with yourself.
When I began practicing yoga, relaxation, breath work and meditation, I became more aware of my heart wounds and had the tools to unwind the wounds and reclaim my heart. Click here to find out more.
If you are considering one on one support in healing heart wounds, click here to sign up for a complementary Heart Healing Session.
May you heal your heart,