Please Hear My Pain Pt 4
The last few weeks, we have been exploring the need raised by women with fibromyalgia in relation to feeling heard. We have addressed these 3 areas:
- We have looked at why other people cannot understand our experience as they don’t know it experientially.
- We have looked at how to tune into our bodies and listen to our own inner voice that may be calling for your attention.
- We have looked at the kinds of messages you inner knowing might be sending you.
Today, we are going to look at how to communicate in a way that we will be heard and will be able to get our needs met. Which perhaps is the whole point of being heard.
I am a fan of Marshall Rosenberg’s books and training on Nonviolent communication. He is brilliant at helping us to identify what we feel and what we are truly needing. By identifying out feeling and our need, we can more clearly ask for what we want and get our needs met.
His process identifies four steps in communication:
- What I observe; what happened.
- What I felt
- What I need
Mastering the process takes some self-inquiry to get to the root of what we need and how to request it. Often we are asking for help, but not clearly understand what we need. Nonviolent communication lays out a process of self-inquiry that helps us get in touch with our feelings and the unmet need under what we are feeling.
Learning this process changed my life. I am now better able to get my needs met. Sometimes, I realize that I can fulfill that need myself. Other times, I am able to communicate to others in a way that I get heard and my request is received and fulfilled. If one person cannot fulfill my request, I can always find other ways to get the need met.
Learning Nonviolent communication was a process, not an event. After I read the book and began trying to put it into practice, more often that not, I missed the mark. With continued practice, I got better and now it feels natural to me and the harmony in my relationships and the ability to get my needs heard and met reflects that.
I invite you to explore this further. Here are links to specific products that can get you started in learning Nonviolent Communication.
Getting started. Book, workbook, audio book and CD Training course options.
Additional resources: Using Nonviolent Communication with specific situations and circumstances.