Heart wounds are those experiences that get lodged in our heart that disconnect us from our connection to God, our sense of our inner self and our authentic self. These heart wounds are what make us feel like we are not enough and that we can’t trust our own inner knowing. They inhibit our aliveness and inhibit the expression of who we really are.
These heart wounds are the foundation of ill health. The inhibit joy and the free flow of energy in the body. We compensate for these wounds by compromising our expression in the world. By being disconnected from our true self, we become the walking wounded; physically, emotionally and mentally.
The four basic types of heart wounds are:
Neglect happens when we do not receive the love, nurturing and basic care when we are infants or even later in life. It sends us the message that we are not important. When we are neglected, we tend to feel invisible and not enough. We crave love and care. We crave the loving nurturance that a loving mother would give a child. Our self esteem is gone. Our sense of self is weak. We are afraid to express our self. We fade into the background and live a life of secret misery. Our beauty and gifts are lost to the world.
Abuse happens when we are openly criticized, physically abused, sexually abused or emotionally abused. Abuse is a direct statement from the abuser that who we are isn’t ok. It sends the message that who we are isn’t enough; that we need to be someone other than who we are to get our needs met and be loved. We often feel like life isn’t safe. We never know when the next ‘blow’ will come. We often compensate for this by becoming a people pleaser. If we can just be or do the right thing, then we will receive love and our needs will be met. Yet our inner self is dying for love, attention and expression.
Co-dependency happens when those who raised us have unhealthy boundaries and therefore, we never learn healthy boundaries. In this case, our sense of self is obscured. We derive our sense of self through other people not through our self. We need the approval of others to feel ok. Our true self cannot be felt and expressed. We often lack healthy boundaries. We allow others to abuse us. We are people pleasers. We take on other people’s problems to solve. We don’t know what we want or need. Even if we did know what we wanted or needed, we are powerless to claim that. We are too busy taking care of others or living through others.
Loss is when we have a loss of someone whom we loved and or who loved us. If is the loss of a parent at a young age, it undermines our sense of trust in the world. It lodges a deep sense of sadness within the heart. If the loss occurs when we are very young or have any of the other core wounds, we may not have the inner resources to overcome the loss and the sadness may linger into adulthood. We live a life of sadness and depression without knowing why.
This may sound tragic and it is. It is the loss of ourselves, our freedom, and our joy. I believe the underlying cause of fibromyaligia is unhealed heart wounds. It has certainly been a major factor in my health challenges.
The good news!
The good news is that these wounds can be healed and we can move beyond them. In fact, in the process of healing our core wounds lead us to great strength and power. They teach us compassion and love and many other lessons.
Introspection for the week:
- Look within and notice which of these heart wounds you have experienced.
- Notice how they have impacted you and your life.
- How have you compensated in order to survive with the unhealed wound?
- What healing of the wound(s) have you already accomplished?
- What still needs to be healed?
Healing the Wounds of the Heart: An Online Group Healing Circle
The Art of Self Love: Right Relationship with Body, Mind, Heart and Spirit
In the meantime: