Send Love Back

Send Love Back

I adopted this many years ago when I was in an abusive situation. 

I had to rise above the abuse. 

I had to love myself enough to set healthy boundaries.

I had to love myself enough to get out of my abusive situation. 

And . . . 

I could do that with love. 

Love for myself. 

And as much love and compassion for the other as I could muster.  

No name calling. No blaming.  

Just, it is time to go.  

I leave you with love.  

Maybe I didn’t tell them that.  

But that was my inner mantra and mindset. 

It enabled me to leave with dignity.

It enabled me to leave with no regrets.

I did the best I could in the situation. 

I wasn’t perfect at this, 

But good enough. 

And that was enough.

I carry this in my heart now.  

My heart is opening wide to myself and others.

It feels good.

It feels new. 

It is unfamiliar yet comforting. 

May you give and receive love.

💕Bindu

Character Traits of Kindness

Character Traits of Kindness

“Use your voice for kindness, your ears for empathy, your hands for helping others, your mind for truth, and your heart for compassionate love.”

– David Scott

Kindness is not only about what you do but how you do it.

It can accompany every type of action from praise to criticism. When an action comes from a place of empathy, you experience kindness.

Kindness comes in many forms. It’s about honesty, empathy, forgiveness, trust, patience, compassion and humility.

Honesty:

Honesty doesn’t always mean you are being kind. You can be honest and kind at the same time though. When you need to be honest, but it feels like a criticism, you should find a way to deliver it with kindness, say with a soft voice, a hand on someone’s shoulder or the way you word your response.

Forgiveness:

When you forgive others and yourself, you are freeing yourself from blame and condemnation. It allows you to be happy. Forgiveness is a form of kindness as it lets you accept others as they are. “Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace”

Trust:

Trust is different from honesty. When you show kindness to others, it builds their trust in you. There are many ways to do this; keep your word, ask what they need, then help them get it.  

Empathy:

Kindness requires empathy. It means putting yourself in another’s position and feelings. Empathy allows you to understand and be sensitive to what others are feeling. It is important to building positive relationships and for good communication.  

Patience: 

Patience is needed when being kind. Patience makes us take the time to get our thoughts and actions in order before we react.  A kind act is often given with patience. “A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret.” 

Compassion:

This is when we feel for another’s problems and take action to help. Compassion is an action of kindness. It is a guide for kindness.

Humility:

Being humble means you do things out of the kindness of your heart, not expecting anything in return.  This is a true act of kindness.

In Summary:

Kindness has all these character traits in it. Being honest, building trust, being humble, compassionate and empathetic all work together to perform true acts of kindness.  Kindness flows from an intention to be in harmony with yourself and others.  Kindness looks for a win/win solution to challenges and differences.  Kindness values connection over being right.  Kindness creates inner peace and outer harmony.

 

Contemplation for this week:

This week, consider the character traits of kindness.  Look at the ones that you are strong in and the ones that are more difficult for you.   Become more aware of how the characteritics that you are strong in flow through you and what that creates in your life.  Pick one characteristic that you are weak in that you would like to strengthen.  Contemplate on how you can strengthen this characteristic.  

Above all, have fun with this.  Enjoying getting to know yourself better. 

 

Wishing you much kindness this week,

Bindu

How to Build Kindness

How to Build Kindness

How to be More Kind

“We cannot do great things on this earth, only small things with great love.”

-Mother Teresa

Kindness is a simple act.

It doesn’t take a lot of time, money or resources unless you want it to. The smallest acts of kindness often go the longest way to changing lives. You can cultivate more kindness in your life in many ways.

Here are some examples:

  1. When you believe in someone, tell them and show them your support. This support may be just what they need to drive them to achieve things greater things.
  2. Think about your words before you speak. If what you’re thinking isn’t kind, stop what you’re doing. Think about how to better phrase what you’re thinking or perhaps don’t say it at all. Remember to be kind in how you deal with the person.
  3. When you receive kindness spread it around. Continue to spread the kindness by paying it forward.
  4. Everyone faces challenges even if they don’t outwardly show it. Don’t discriminate on who you are kind to.
  5. Be an example. Be a role model to others by always being kind.
  6. It doesn’t matter if it’s a close relationship or a stranger, it’s important to be mindful of how you treat others. Be considerate of everyone.
  7. Practice having good intentions. Try to have good intentions when you say something nice. Don’t expect something in return.
  8. Reach out when others don’t.
  9. If showing kindness is hard for you, try to remember how you felt when someone was kind to you.
  10. Be kind every day. Holding the door for someone while giving them a genuine smile is an easy way to brighten someone’s day.
  11. Create a kindness calendar. Add some type of kindness you can do to each day. For example, take a cup of coffee to your coworker, help your elderly neighbor with their groceries, thank the mail carrier with a card, give your umbrella to a mom and her kids waiting for the bus in the rain, share your lunch with a homeless person or any other act of kindness.

There are many ways you can be kind.

Some acts of kindness take only a few moments, such as a smile or quick complement.  Some acts of kindness take more time and/or effort on your part.  Don’t dismiss the impact of those that only take a few moments.  They are often the most powerful.

If you are stumped for ideas, here are a few to get you started.

  • Let someone in front of you at the grocery store because they have fewer items.
  • Smile at someone who really needs it. Maybe you see a struggling mom trying to shop with her three kids. Give her an encouraging smile.
  • Talk with a friend who is having problems. Lending a ear may be all they need.
  • Buy food for a homeless person the next time you go for fast food or a restaurant.
  • Compliment a stranger.
  • Help a coworker on a project even if you have a full schedule.
  • Let someone in your lane in a traffic jam.
  • Donate old clothes to someone in need.
  • Call your grandparents or parents instead of waiting for them to call.
  • Say please, thank you and your welcome.
  • Compliment someone on their hair, outfit or something else.
  • Offer your seat on the bus or train.
  • Bake something for a neighbor, older relative or nursing home and visit with them.
  • Text someone good morning or good night.
  • Plan to meet with an old friend you haven’t seen in a while.
  • Wash someone’s car for free.
  • Have a sick neighbor? Mow their yard or shovel their snow. Take out their trash. See if they need you to pick anything up for them – medication, groceries, etc.
  • Stop and help someone broke down on the road. Or see if they have help coming.
  • Plan a surprise party for a friend’s birthday.
  • Wish someone a good day.
  • Leave a nice note on someone’s car or in their mailbox.
  • Tell someone how much you appreciate them.
  • Smile at everyone.
  • Help a stranger in some way.
  • Actively listen when someone is talking to you.
  • Give an unexpected gift to someone.
  • Thank someone for something specific they’ve done for you
  • Make a donation to charity.
  • Volunteer your time.
  • Share a memory with a child or friend.

Be discrete when carrying out acts of kindness.

When carrying out your act of kindness, be sure to not intrude or embarrass the receiver. Discretion is key. Give your smile or gift then move on, unless the receiver wants to talk. Some acts of kindness can be carried out anonymously as well.

Above all else, carry out your acts of kindness because you genuinely want to make yourself and others feel good. Not because you expect something in return.

Contemplation for this week:

1.  This week, create and intention to carry out one act of kindness per day.  More if you would like.

2.  At the end of each day, notice if you remembered or not.  Be kind to yourself if you forgot.  That can be your act of kindness for the day.  Reinforce your intention.

3.  If you did remember to carry out an act of kindness, take a moment to remember how it felt and how the other person responded.

4.  Pat yourself on the back for each act of kindness your carried out.

5.  Continue this practice indefinately.

 

May kindness fill your heart with love and compassion for yourself and others. 

Bindu

Free Hug – Pass it On!

Free Hug – Pass it On!

Close your eyes and take in the hug I am sending you right now.  

Feel it full of love, unconditional love. 

We all need hugs.

Physical touch is grounding and calming.

No words needed.

A gentle hug says more than words.

With hugs, both the giver and receiver get full benefit.

If you don’t have anyone nearby to hug,

wrap your arms around your self

and give yourself a hug.

Afterall, your own self love is the greatest love of all.

May you get a hug every day, 💕Bindu

8 Keys to Enhance Health, Wellness and Wholeness

8 Keys to Enhance Health, Wellness and Wholeness

 Fundamentals of Health, Wellness, and Wholeness

Fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses are challenging on many levels.  We are physically compromised, emotionally out of balance, and mentally stressed.  We want solutions to our pain and discomfort.  We search and often the solutions come up with none or minimal results.  This becomes stress on top of the stress of being ill in the first place.

What then can we do to reclaim our health and happiness . . . our wellness and ultimately wholeness?

Today’s article is focusing on what I call the Fundamental of Wholeness.  These are eight important aspects to rebuilding our wellness.  Below is a list of the fundamentals of wellness.  They create a foundation upon which to rebuild our health, wellness and wholeness.

  • Awareness
  • Compassion
  • Balance
  • Acceptance
  • Introspection / Self-inquiry
  • Self-Responsibility.
  • Insights
  • Integration

Awareness

The ability to be self-aware.  To observe our body, our mind, our emotions from a place of awareness rather than identification.  In other words, to be able to observe our self objectively.  We can be aware of the sensation and pain in our body, the emotions that we feel, the thought that we think.  We can start with our conscious thoughts, and then delve into a deeper layer of subconscious thoughts and emotions.

 

Compassion

As we meet our self with awareness, compassion is a necessary ingredient.   There are parts of us that we might judge or disown.  By meeting our self with compassion, we can identify positive and negative experiences, emotions, thoughts, and memories.  We can see the good, bad, ugly and beautiful parts of who we are.  Without compassion, we may block truly seeing because we have literally and figuratively exiled parts of who we are as they are deemed unacceptable.   Yet, until you can meet these parts with compassion, wholeness will continue to elude you.

 

Balance

Balance is at the root of health, wellness and wholeness.  Everything in nature survives and thrives because of a state of balance.  Your physical body has 12 homeostatic (balancing) control mechanisms that keep your body functioning and healthy.  Emotionally, we need a balance of positive and negative emotions to be emotionally healthy.  Mentally, we need a balance between positive thoughts and negative thoughts.  A healthy optimistic attitude with a healthy dose of reality and awareness of possible difficulties.  We need a balance of rest and activity, work and play, alone time and time with others.  When discovering the right balance for you, health, wellness and wholeness will be the rewards.

 

Acceptance

Acceptance is acknowledging what is.  That doesn’t mean we have to like it.  It means telling the truth about what is.  When we are honest about what is, we have the power to change is.  If we are denying the truth, ignoring it, or pushing it out of our awareness, we are powerless to change it.

 

Introspection / Self-inquiry

Self-inquiry allows us to go within and discover who we are, what we think, feel, need, want, like, dislike.  What are greatest joys are, what are greatest challenge are. Self-Inquiry allows us to discover internal causes of challenges and discover resolutions from within.

 

Insights

The process of awareness, compassion, acceptance, and introspection results in insights from within.  We can see parts of our self we had previously denied.  We can see how we are creating our own stress.  We can see how we have given our power away.  These and many more insights are available with meeting our self with awareness, compassion and acceptance.

 

Self-Responsibility

When I first heard the word responsibility, to me it meant self-blame.  Then I heard a new definition of the word which was, “ability to respond.”  The ability to respond rather than the old knee jerk reaction to any situation is a step to reclaiming our power.  To look at any situation or challenge with awareness, compassion, acceptance and introspection gives us needed information and insights upon which to make internal changes or take external actions, guided from within.  That is self-responsibility.

 

Integration

Integration happens as the new awareness’s, insights, internal shifts and responsible actions become integrated into our lives.  We begin to feel more empowered in our lives.  We can let go of feeling like a victim to our circumstances or feeling like the answers to our problems are outside of us.   We can let go of coping mechanism and begin to let our true self shine through.

 

Summary: 

The fundamentals of health, wellness and wholeness have the power to impact us on all levels of our being: physical, mental, emotional, energetic, spiritual and in our expression in and interaction with the world around us. 

 

This week’s introspection: 

Contemplate these fundamentals and notice which resonate with you and which don’t.  Pick one or more to experiment with becoming aware of how it operates or not in your life.    Remember, awareness is the foundation of all change.

 

May you be healthy and whole,  💗Bindu

Transform Negative Situations with Kindness

Transform Negative Situations with Kindness

The Transformation of Negativity with Kindness

“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” —Ian Maclaren

There are times in life when you are stressed, frustrated or angry with yourself, someone or a situation. You may end up annoyed, rude and sending out negative emotions. Learning how to manage your negative reactions in stressful situations with kindness is helpful to staying centered and balanced.

Begin with Kindness toward Yourself

First and foremost, forgive yourself for being human.  Acknowledge what you are feeling and accept that as part of being human.  It is simply what you are feeling in the moment.

Acknowledge and Accept Your own Emotions. 

What are your feeling?  Anger, sadness, fear, worry, frustration? Emotion is short for energy in motion.  Once you are aware of your own emotions, allow yourself to slow down and deepen your breath.  Experiment with feeling the emotion without needing to suppress it or act outward with it.  See it as an energy moving through you.  Your only need is to feel it and experience it.

Inquire into the Emotion

What is creating the stress and negative emotions? Are you overwhelmed at work? Is it a person that is triggering the emotion? Discovering what is triggering  the emotion can assist in transforming it.  Sometimes simply feeling the emotion and inquiring into it will defuse the emotion.

Often, under an emotion is an unmet need.  Perhaps you don’t feel heard.  Perhaps you feel slighted or disrespected.  Maybe you feel unloved or unaccepted.  Maybe you feel threatened or attacked.  Maybe you feel left out or disconnected.  By understanding the unmet need, you can more clearly understand what you need.

Ask yourself what you need.

Do you need to feel love, valued, appreciated, respected?  Perhaps you need to feel safe or secure.  Maybe you need more space or freedom.  Maybe you need to feel included and heard.  By understanding what you need, you can explore ways to get that need met.

Listen to hear what the other person needs.

While it is important to feel our emotions and understand our triggers and needs.  It is also important to understand what the other person feels and needs.  When we understand both, we can work together with the other person(s) to find a win/win resolution. 

Ask, what can I do to take care of myself.

Sometimes the need can be met from within.  By accepting yourself even when another is criticizing you.  By, taking a walk and giving yourself some breathing room.  By speaking your voice, sharing your perspective or opinion.  Listening to the other person, perhaps drawing them out with questions.  Maybe by removing yourself from an unsafe situation.  The choices are unlimited.  Your inner self will be able to guide you.

Change What You Can

If an external change needs to happen take action.  Speak your voice, walk out of the room, go for a walk.  Once you find the root cause, take action to change it. If it cannot be changed, can it be cut from your life? While making changes, cut out other stress triggers as much as possible. Change negative thought and communication patterns into more positive ones.

Incorporate Healthy Outlets

Regular exercise can give you an emotional lift and an outlet for negative emotions. Physical movement helps to clear emotions from you body.  Take a warm bath.  Meditation can help to calm the mind and get a better perspective.  Volunteering and helping others may help see things with a different perspective.

Respond to Negativity with Kindness

By responding to negativity with kindness, you can diffuse a potentially negative outcome.  Here are some tips to try:  

1.  Don’t mirror others negative actions and thoughts. Treat them kindly. This could mean apologizing if it’s appropriate. Acknowledge other’s points of view without judging.

2.  Speak in a pleasant, friendly voice as if you were talking to a friend. Keep your voice controlled and without anger.

3.  Keep an open and relaxed body posture. Don’t roll your eyes, sigh or make other negative body language movements.

4.  Breathe! Take a few long, slow, deep breaths in through your nose, pause slightly, then let your breath out. Deep breathing relaxes you and re-centers your emotions.  It puts you and others at ease.

5.  Distract yourself by engaging in something pleasant or helping someone else.

In Summary

Just because you are stressed doesn’t mean you need to react negatively to others. Instead, act in a way that is kind and considerate of the feelings of all involved.  Seek to understand your needs and the needs of others concerned.  Dialogue in a way that communicates your needs and also be able to hear the needs of the others involved.  Work towards a win/win solution.  

By holding the intention to create a positive outcome, negative situations can be transformed into a co-creation and positive situation for all concerned.  

As Mother Teresa’s poem titled Anyway, states:

“People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; be kind anyway.”

Contemplation for this week:

1. Create and intention be more aware of your thoughts and emotions in a difficult situation.

2.  Experiment with inquiring inwardly to understand your underlying needs. 

3. Listen more fully to others with and intention of listening for their underlying need. 

4.  Experiment with some of the suggestions in this article for transforming negativity into something positive.  

 

Wishing you peace,  Bindu